At the risk of appearing soft, I’m admitting I’m a Tom Hanks fan. & it’s quite easy to be a White celebrity’s fan, too, in case you didn’t already know. Rarely do they have beef with other White celebrities, so there’s no need to waste time defending their honor against your idiot friends. & when they do have beef with their kind, it’s real beef, like property division & dissolution of community assets or whatever. No need to involve police, because best believe there’s a legal team in place long before people start getting shot at, shot, arrested, or worse, turned into legends. There’s a far better chance that a White celebrity will hurt themselves before anybody gets a chance to do it, word to River Phoenix. But, that’s neither here nor there.
As a Tom Hanks fan, I pride myself on laughing all the way through Castaway, every time I see it, even though my wife insists it wasn’t a comedy. [Sidenote: Nigga, please. Wilson & Hanks are funnier together than Will Smith & Martin Lawrence.] Plus, Bosom Buddies taught me that women didn’t have Adam’s apples, & I owe Mr. Hanks a sizable amount of gratitude for such an important life lesson, free of charge. The least I can do is laugh at a few jokes & what not.
One of Tom Hanks’ sons, Colin, had a show on Fox called The Good Guys last year, which I tried to support out of nepotism, but that shit was horrid. Bad taste in my mouth horrid. Maybe Collin should make Big 2: Bigger, but I don’t think he has the acting chops Tom did by his age. & that’s not an insult; it’s an observation. Perhaps Tom Hanks’ other son, Chet Haze, will be the next generation of familial, White Anglo-Saxon Protestant pride that Hanks was banking on when he undoubtedly dragged Chet’s actor-brother Colin to all those casting calls & auditions.
The difference with this kid, though, is that Chet is a rapper. Another thing, also, is that he’s not capitalizing off of his dad’s money pit, which I’m sure topped off in the 90’s, & began to spill about the heated marble floors some years ago. Point is, if no one told me that Tom Hanks is his father, I would not have known. That can be a gift & a curse, by the way. & for what it’s worth, Chet could’ve easily filled the man-made void that Asher Roth is occupying now, but that might be a clear case of too little, too late, at this juncture. Then again, this is Hip Hop that we’re talking about; no age limit or hands required, so to speak.
My advice to Chet, is go after Asher, though. Hard. It’s a veritable win/win. Worst case scenario, you “lose” & your dad writes his next movie about a wrapper from the ‘burbs who’s really a robot or some shit.
Either way, here’s Chet…
White and Purple (Northwestern Remix)
Truth be told, there’s so many rappers on the set right now that talent is somewhat irrelevant. At one point in time, dropping Tom Hanks’ name, as your pops, would guarantee VIP status in the rap game, more or less, & some quality musical connects in the Hip Hop arena. Nowadays, not so much. The more likely reaction would be “Who is that?” than anything else. If Chet were smart, which I’m sure he is, he’d be tweeting up a storm to lure Rick Ross The Rapper for a guest verse, because Ross is still killing it from last summer. However, his time may be up soon, because that’s how Hip Hop rolls.