‘How Old Is Too Old For Suicide?’


So last week, out of nowhere, I decided I was going to stop smoking cigarettes. It wasn’t a hard decision to come to, either. In all honesty, I’d grown weary of my son’s insinuations about my impending premature death (if I continued to smoke) & that commercial with the holy smoke lady always came on as I began to eat. Thus, after 15 years of smoking god damned cigarette’s, I stopped. Just like that. [Sidenote: Not just like that per se, but I didn’t realize how strong rehab made me, or the principals that would stick with me over time..]

I tried to start smoking Kools brand cigs back when I was about 19, running behind this shifty-eyed chickenrat who was clearly out of my league. By out of my league I mean she had me stealing disposable cameras from her job & I’m blessed that I didn’t get something communicable from her as a parting gift. (The things a young man will risk for the chance at guilt-free ‘tang are unfathomable, no?) One night, I allowed her to convince me that a cigarette was what I needed, & like the evil song a siren spins, she convinced me to steal some smokes from my mom’s purse. It’s a good thing moms was still drinking heavily back then, although even when I was drinking, I knew how many smokes I had. Anywho, after the smoke-flavored vomit left my lips, it was a wrap. I’d smoked my first cigarette. My lungs were no longer virgin(s).

Now, as a man with a few kids & a somewhat reputable existence on Earth, I’ve come to the conclusion that – like alcohol – it’s time to stop killing myself with cigarettes. Stress as well, for that matter. Fuck all that accidental suicide bullshit. If I stroke out, it’ll be because my parents never put an end to my bizarre love affair with greasy ass pizza. Not the gas bill & my daughter’s bad attitude. Diabetes & hyper tension are just as dangerous as angry, misguided youths, but if you don’t know then you don’t know.

Some buddies of mine stopped over yesterday, & we talked about how man loses sight of his life & dreams. I pointed out that we all essentially live for our problems, until they kill us, & that’s why so many adults are jaded, or dead on the inside, as the melodramatic White kids say. That lack of compassion is the chain that links generations together, usually ending in self medication, abuse & other detrimental bullshit. The difference between recreation & addiction is the ability to apply moderation, but that’s neither here nor there when all that matters is feeling better, so to speak.

So, ask yourself, is your vice killing you? If so, by no uncertain terms that’s suicide. But, if your vice controls you, that’s addiction, & there’s help for people like you. Don’t be one of those people who pretend they don’t know, or refuse to acknowledge a problem because of embarrassment, until its too late. That’s that coward shit.


12 comments on “‘How Old Is Too Old For Suicide?’

  1. Jamal7Mile says:

    Congrats, Tony! I’m right behind you on giving up the Newports. Haven’t quite quit yet, but last month I discovered e-cigarettes and I “smoke” those also. It cut down my almost-a-pack-a-day habit to a half-pack. A small victory, but I’m on the right track.

    I recommend picking up an e-cigarette first if you feel a Newport relapse coming on. No smoke, no tar, no deadly second-hand smoke complaints, no odor, no holes in the car seat or your white tees, no teeth stains. Doesn’t do much for your nicotine addiction but it’s a great alternative.


  2. Jamal7Mile says:

    Couldn’t post to the headlines. Are the Clippers really celebrating Black History Month tomorrow, March 2nd, instead of last month?


  3. Mark Dub says:

    Congrats on ridding yourself of that demon, Grands. Good luck w/your efforts, Jamal.


  4. Nagan says:

    True words MR grand$ good luck mate 5 days till the nicotine gets outta your system then it’s just breaking habits. And good work Jamal even if it’s halved still winning the battle mate


  5. “We all essentially live for our problems until they kill us.” – Tony Grands

    You my friend have a quote in my book now


  6. Soulrise says:

    I “stopped” smoking many times (can’t say quit cuz I eventually started again). One of these days I’m gonna make it officially last. Good luck Grands.


  7. DV says:

    drink lots of water (gotta wash that nicotine out your system).

    I dont consider myself a smoker. Ill buy a pack every so often but I’ve been smoking alot lately. I made myself believe that since I currently cannot partake in my favorite natural resource (next to women,water and air) that cigs will do in the mean time. I even smoke “smooths” and “skylines” to avoid Newports. One day soon I’ll stop believing my own BS.


  8. Capital G says:

    I’m sorry, I was enjoying a tasty Newport. What were you saying about being a quitter?

    Seriously, if you still ain’t break the fast from nicotine that’s outstanding! $8 for bad breath, shortness of breath and them fly ass stains on your teeth just isn’t worth it. Put that pack a day cigarette money off to the side and at the end of the month spend it on some shit for the kids. You’ll keep your health and look like a hero all with minimal effort.


  9. Tony Grands says:

    Still haven’t smoked, family.
    *cue Eye Of The Tiger (but the version that Jordan danced to w/ the ribbons)*


    • Capital G says:

      Fuckin impressive.


      It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight
      Risin’ up to the challenge of our rival
      And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
      And he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the tiger



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