NBA Report: A Message To Your Team


Words by Phlip

Without much having taken place in the last couple days since a post, I am going to speak directly to a few teams here…

To the Los Angeles Clippers…
When Blake Griffin shoots 70% free-throws, he will up his scoring average by at least 5 points or more. 27pts and 12 rebounds a game is MVP/Hall-of-Fame territory, so get him with a shooting coach. With a guard-heavy lineup, you will start one of the best PGs in the league and every game will be a track meet. This will be the first time anyone has taken you more seriously coming into a season than they did the Lakers (who we will discuss shortly). Your only real weakness is at the Head Coach position, but he has at least competed as a coach of a playoff team. No one expects you, the “Cripples,” to be great if only because of the past 32 years so you’re in a low-pressure situation this season. Next year, however, you will need to worry about keeping your two megastars. Again, though, for now all you need to do this year is make the playoffs.

Don’t squander your chance.

To the New York Knickerbockers…
Despite your questionable bench and head coach who sees defense as an (usually unselected) option, you are in an enviable position in an all-of-a-sudden strong Eastern Conference in that you have a SUPREMELY serviceable front line. While I know you, as an organization, have NEVER pretended to be “championship or bust,” as your physical location and ownership group provides you a dummy-proof business model, an organization that WILL make money. To be totally honest, with that model in play with the LA Clippers, the only thing that separates you from the Clippers is history and the fact that you at least TRY to make the playoffs.

To the Los Angeles Lakers…
You can thank the NBA in their ownership of the Hornets, combined with jealousy of other teams’ ownership and marital discontent for what will be the squander of Kobe Bryant’s twilight years. Given the failure of the Hornets trade, the fallout that saw Lamar Odom ask to be traded to a current rival and then David Stern, Michael Jordan and Mark Cuban talking Kobe’s wife into filing for divorce because Kobe talked greasy about them [citation needed]. Distractions will be your worst enemy this season, whereas bad knees had been for the 3 years prior. You’re crippled with the bad contracts of Luke Walton and Ron Artest Metta World Peace, neither of which you used your amnesty on because your bench is WEAK. You have a coach who fans have witnessed as being incompetent in not having a championship in a season in which it was his teams to lose. You have a collection of players who ALL know they could be changing work addresses tomorrow if the right deal comes available. The only thing that could save your season is Dwight Howard, so package up that World Peace fellow and that trade exception with Andrew Bynum and bring him to Orange County.

 … and lastly…

To the Miami Heat…
It is “now or never ever ever for you.
The emperor’s clothes were revealed in June. Your main pieces seem to get that as well, and are saying all the right things. You’ve brought in the right pieces in Shane Battier and Eddy Curry (don’t laugh, Knicks fans, Pat Riley made him get in shape). Here is what you do… Pat Riley convinces LeBron to start at Point Guard, he averages 25 points, 10 assists and 10 rebounds a game and wins the MVP. Meanwhile, Dwyane Wade starts at SG, Battier at SF, and Bosh and Curry at their positions. Battier keeps LeBron fresh because HE defends the other teams’ best wing players as he has for his career, and can hit his open 3-pointers, with 3 people who command double teams on the floor. All Erik Spoelstra has to “coach” is practices, and make occasional in-game adjustments and manage playing time. Similar to Phil Jackson’s best years, he will have Dwyane Wade to yell and cuss at people as MJ and Kobe did on the floor. Bear in mind, now, that Spo is on the hottest seat in the league, as it is unlikely that LeBron lays another egg in the finals like this past one, so the blame will be placed squarely on the head coach, who WILL be removed.

Luckily, though, I think you will pull it off this time.

The collective bargaining agreement and the whim of other owners in the league have you in the enviable position of having a “big three” already in place coming into this season, and a team that is not cobbled together with unknown-to-be-compatible pieces (Dallas, for the record), so chemistry will not be a detriment. Just don’t mess it up, as time is not on your side. I don’t know why NO ONE has mentioned this, but your three brightest stars are entering their 9th season in the league. LeBron’s “not 5, not 6, not 7” championships talk was unrealistic, as he and his compadres will have a LOT of miles on the chassis at the end of their 5-year contracts that pretty much frames their championship window.

Is there any money in playing “armchair quarterback” to NBA General Managers?

Words by Phlip


3 comments on “NBA Report: A Message To Your Team

  1. Mark Dub says:

    If there was money in it, Phlip, I’d tell them to cut the check. Very sound analysis, as usual. If the Heat had aquired a real PG instead of retaining the services of Mario Chalmers, I’d be more optimistic about their chances. Instead, they let B. Diddy & Chauncey Billups get away. This shortened season will certainly be interesting, to say the least.


  2. DV says:

    To my Blazers: maybe the whole team should take a trip to Germany and visit the knee doctor Kobe saw.

    To my Knicks: Not yet….. but its coming.

    Lakers better stay pat and sign Gilbert Arenas (hes better the Fish and Blake combined) then MAYBE make a move next offseason for a top Free Agent. Lakers almost sunk they own battleship.


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