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5 Random Reasons Why Jerry Springer Is Awesome

5. He gets paid to instigate fights between strangers & never has to lift a finger, mentally or physically. It takes a certain amount of ingenuity & psychosis to do what he does successfully.

4. After over two decades, I’m pretty sure Jerry never has to plan for a deadline or come up with ideas for the show. The people who appear on that program have reached a nexus in their lives where – upon being on national television – life will become much better or exponentially worse. The only other programs that can make such boasts are COPS, the 10 o’clock news, & TMZ.

3. After being elected mayor of Cincinnati in 1971, Springer resigned in 1974, after admitting to hiring a prostitute. Not only does he get a #RWDPsalute for being voted into somebody’s office, but we’ll double it for Jerry being the same kinky pervert now as he was 41 years ago. In fact; what’s the difference between being a lascivious politician & the host of “The Jerry Springer Show?” Absolutely nothing.

2. Without Jerry’s honest attitude & willingness to let people embarrass themselves & their families on national television, we – the people – would NEVER have received such American entertainment staples as Cheaters, Girls Gone Wild, & the dozens of copycat talk shows that have ridden his coat tail to virtual obscurity. (The Jeremy Kyle Show is the possible exception.) Be it good or bad, Jerry Springer is the godfather of “dirty laundry” tv.

1. Just on an off-the-cuff average, let’s say Gerald sees 3 pair of breasts per episode. The shows been on since 1991, making it 21 years old, it comes on 5 times a week, so that’s 260 episodes a year. 3 sets of unmitigated milk makers per show is 780 boobs per year. After 21 years, that’s 16,380 pairs of live, veiny (hopefully throbbing) breasts that – for what it’s worth – he could’ve touched if he wanted. (Maybe not all of the skeezers that go on the show have no moral compasses, but at least 99% would let that dude grab a teet, like an autograph.) As far as I’m concerned, he’s the king of boob watching. I’d bet money that he’s seen every shape & size areola that God has designed. Probably even the rare heart-shaped one(s).

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3 comments on “5 Random Reasons Why Jerry Springer Is Awesome

  1. markdub7
    January 5, 2012

    Your No. 1 reason is HILARIOUS!!! I bet Jerry is a boob connisuer of the same ilk as a certain self-proclaimed boobie-lover named Grands. I love this post, bruh!

    Like

  2. Phlip
    January 5, 2012

    You could have made #1 the only point you made and I would still love this post.

    Like

  3. DV
    January 7, 2012

    2. If my memory serves me correct I believe The Richard Bey show was before Springer’s show and that show was illy. I still remember some of those legendary fights on Richard Bey.

    Like

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This entry was posted on January 5, 2012 by in Lists Of Fives, occupycleavage, true stories, unusual suspects, very funny mf and tagged , , , , .

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