5 Things More Dangerous Than The Internet

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With all the talk about internet piracy, online privacy, bootleggery, & intellectual property management last week, one can’t help but be reminded just how awesome the ‘net truly is. Society, & civilization in general, has come to a crossroads, where mankind needs to make concrete decisions about it’s future, & for what it’s worth, our future (r)evolves around the internet.

During the dreaded aforementioned SOPA opera, not much mention was made of the predatory dangers that lie online, in wait. That surely is just as substantial a topic as free music, illegal movie streams, & bootleg Cialis. Not more than two weeks ago a teenage boy was arrested for sexually assaulting upwards of 12 girls using Facebook as his vessel. Combine that with the cyberbullying & Craig’s list-type murders, & the focus quickly shifts to a broader watch & more anticipation of what a future with the internet as a life coach has in store.

Before that inevitable day it replaces other human beings as our full-fledged frienemy, here are 5 things more dangerous than the internet.

5. Stupidity
Being dumb doesn’t get quite the amount of credit as it should. & it’s not so much one’s own stupidity that should be approached with caution, but society’s. Assuming that the next person practices precaution is reckless, so never take people’s collective common sense for granted.

4. Global Warming
All scientific jargon & sociopolitical blather aside, the Earth is a “living” organism. Organisms change, or evolve, according to the surroundings & stresses of it’s immediate environment. It’s overly apparent that the planet’s collective climate is changing, & the crust is reacting to generations of imposition by it’s multitude of tenants. Something’s gotta give.

3. Ear Buds
Sure, Dre & 50 & whoever else is peddling oversized earmuff headphones these days, but those will never out-sell or overshadow the ear bud. However, don’t let the ear bud’s cutesy packaging fool you. These things are just snug & loud enough to make vehicular manslaughter – yours – as easy as texting while driving. Trains whistles & screaming 18-wheeler horns ain’t got nothing on the tunes blaring into your ears at every available decibel. Especially after smoking weed all day, like most avid ear bud users tend to do. Watch your six.

2. The Warrior Gene
The “Warrior Gene” is a gene that allows the carrier to access a higher level of aggression when necessary. Henry Rollins is an avid spokesperson for the gene, which 30% of all men carry, supposedly. I don’t know about you, but that explains a lot to me about society. & as a fun fact bonus, women can’t sustain the gene. Vagina runs the world, but three out of ten dudes will always be there to destroy it, & that’s science‘s word, not mine.

1. Lego Blocks
Without question, Lego blocks are one of the best toys ever. & in case you’re wondering: the bricks were invented by Ole Kirk Christiansen in Denmark in the early 1930’s, & the word “lego” is danish for “Play well.” Lego blocks are dangerous because of their size & bright color, which to a hungry baby or overzealous toddler, looks like candy. Aside from that cosmetic hazard, that toy was a mortal enemy of my father’s naked postal worker feet. When he’d come in to check on us at 5AM, occasionally he’d step on them… Although he never carried out any of his threats of violence, I believe that’s only because he didn’t want to be late for work. & the last thing you want to do to a Black man with a job & a family to feed is make him late. I’ve seen Lego blocks cause thousands of dollars in plumbing bills, destroy VCR’s, & even kill a pet. Indeed the ‘net is definitely a dangerous place, but it’s not choking pets, yet. (Unless you’re talking about porn, but that’s for another day.)

It’s real in the field, & only getting realer. Again, watch your six.

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8 comments on “5 Things More Dangerous Than The Internet

  1. reddwing says:

    Reblogged this on Level Grind and commented:
    Omg I laughed so hard. Great post!

    Like

  2. markdub7 says:

    The Warrior Gene? Next thing you know, they’ll say that young black men all carry it and are therefore natural suspects. Heck, they pegged us so before ever even encountering the Warrior Gene. Dude in the biker shop looked like someone you might not really want to cross.

    Like

  3. Capital G says:

    I took the stupidity test and got 2 wrong. Apparently omnipotence needs to come off my resume. Thanks Grands, way to ruin my smug sense of self.

    Like

  4. DV says:

    You ever step on a Lego barefoot? Talk about some pain. Especially late at night when your in route to either getting a drink or using the bathroom and no lights on. That leads to more pain (and potential furniture damage) from bumping into something else while hopping on 1 foot.

    Also Chicken for $1 at Churches everyday

    Like

  5. […] 5 Things More Dangerous Than the Internet by Tony Grands […]

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