5. We All Love Violence
No matter how many of your buddies love to watch UFC for it’s staunch reality, or how many times your grandparents watch the news in one day, humans can’t get enough violence. A healthy, safe, medium-sized helping of said violence is spoon-fed to the viewers in 30 minute increments with COPS. It’s the equivalent of reality show baby formula. Except the DHA & RHA are replaced with HIV & LAPD, if you will. It’s not quite enough violence to turn you into an introvert, but just enough to make you look twice at certain types of individuals post-sunset.
4. Undying Replay Value
As pathetic as it may sound, I’ve seen every episode of “I Love Lucy” (not to be confuses with “The Lucille Ball Show”) & every episode of “COPS.” In older episodes of the latter, I’ve heard undercover Black officers calling each other “nigga,” seen areolas of all shades; as well as witnessed dozens of cases where police brutality was acceptable. Sometimes encouraged. In fact, if you watch the earlier episodes, the camera man made sure to capture all the real life drama that unfolded before him. After 10 or so years, though, once an officer & a suspect’s skirmish became physical (as opposed to tazing them immediately), the camera would cut scene or aim in a different direction. I’m no fool. They got wise to civil rights & what not & stopped broadcasting those critical beatdowns. Regardless, I could watch the drunken buffoon tussles & crackhead wrestling matches all day long.
3. The Unintentional Hilarity
I try not to laugh at people when unfortunate things publicly happen to them. Even when I find out they’re okay, in most instances, I just don’t find humor in others’ misfortune, however minute it may be. That, though, only counts for real life, where I could possibly feel guilt or pressure for an immature giggle or smirk. There aren’t too many things worse than a grown man snickering at an elderly chap who took a spill due to Burger King’s over-waxed linoleum. That poor old man doesn’t deserve the ridicule, even if I keep it on the low-low. But the fools on COPS?! Look; drunk driving with crack crumbs on your lap is all the permission I need to laugh at your reckless idiocy. You forfeit any humility I may have allowed you to keep when you beat up your girl, run from the cops, & then get beat up by the cops because you couldn’t run fast enough. It’s noting personal, & don’t blame me, blame the universe. Even still, I’m but a spectator, & i find it hilarious.
2. Never A Boring Episode
Seriously. It’s impossible to go wrong when you follow a police officer around with a camera. If I had to pick an episode that lacked luster, it would be the few times that a camera crew went to other countries & followed their peace officers around. With the exception of a drug-war riddled South America, the other countries were drab & virtually crime-free. A drug addiction here or a wife beating there & that was about it. & even those mediocre productions were surely more entertaining than the Wendy Williams show or another “The Game” rerun.
1. It Teaches You How To Deal With The Cops
COPS has shed virtual light on just about every imaginable scenario a police officer can be in. If you’ve watched the show like I have (& still do) then you notice that the one constant, regardless of semantics, is the officer. For the most part, it’s a perpetual documentary of behavior, police as well as criminal. If broken down to the simplest element, COPS teaches you not to do stupid shit. It’s not so much a criminal life deterrent, or diet Scared Straight, but rather a thinly veiled tutorial on how not to smoke weed during business hours & how to avoid being bitten by a K-9 officer. Really, though, if I had to hide a gun or my satchel of dope, there’s a bevy of places I know not to use as a stash spot. & that’s just one of thousands of lessons the show has taught me.
Maybe COPS isn’t the greatest show ever to you. & that’s cool. However, it’s not often that one comes across the perfect combination of education, entertainment, & comedy that COPS presents on a routine basis. If you don’t think it’s the greatest show ever, it should at least rank higher than most of the crap on television nowadays. It does in my house. •