Hip Hop Culture for Grown-Ups
Video games are the proverbial pillars of which manhood rests upon.
The core values needed to rescue Princess Zelda or win the 2012 NBA ch’ip with the Atlanta Hawks are the same ones you’ll need to procure gainful employment or change a diaper. & unless someone can prove me wrong, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jesus zapped a Game Boy or PSP down here on a couple of different occasions just to clear his head for an upcoming struggle. Really, though; nothing says “I’m ready!” like gunning down space aliens after healing lepers & what not, but that’s neither here nor there.
Playing video games, much like spitting & secretly lusting fat ladies, are man-based activities & no amount of coitus, pre- or post-marriage, is going to ever change that. Sorry ladies, I’m just keeping it [t]real.
(Also, I’m aware girls play video games too, but that’s a fairly recent societal development. No shots, just observations.)
A funny thing happens when a relationship’s momentum starts increasing; the woman (usually well-intending) buys the man a video game system for a birthday present or as a tax return gift, yet within a year’s time, she hates the machine. Why, you ask? Because it becomes the man’s best friend, & the woman is confused since it doesn’t have a vagina nor the ability to buy him the new Jordans. In her eyes, this situation should be a no-brainer. During this sandstorm of irrational jealousy, the woman loses sight of the main issues. Clearly, the man is at home right now. It may not be in the desired capacity, but half of the work is already done for her. Him being home eliminates 80% of most trouble causing scenarios. Pardon my naiveté, but that seems winnish-winnish, no?
Apparently not, because still, in 2012, women hate their man’s video game system. Little does the lady even know that the video games & her are eerily similar & actually play for the same team. If she took the time to observe, she could use said system as the keenest weapon in her arsenal.
When it’s all said & done, though, this set-up works extremely well for the man who recognizes that both entities – girls & video games – share some basic rules of engagement. Now, in an effort to bridge the gap between our lover & our leisure, RAWIFDP lays out 5 similarities between chicks & video games.
5. The proper finger movement combination can earn you bonus points & possibly, extra rounds. During the combo – after you’ve located the button – a steady rhythm has to be maintained or you’ll never make it to the next level.
4, Research the unit before you decide to make a commitment to it. Because by the time that you realize you don’t want it, it’s probably much too late to return it to where you got it from.
3. Proper maintenance is key to performance. Update when necessary & never, ever let it get too hot.
2. Understand that keeping you at home is it’s main goal. The soul purpose. Anything else is unimportant. Expect unexpected distraction(s).
1. Inspect carefully for pre-existing damage. There isn’t much worse than inheriting another player’s battle-bruised box.
Words by Tony Grands