Hip Hop Culture for Grown-Ups
Words by Phlip
No, I am not cooking this up as a steel cage match between three of the 6 most important ladies in some dudes’ lives (assuming, of course, that they have a sister and their mom/granny are still living).
I have taken the “close your eyes, click on some albums in MusicBee, and sync what comes up to the iPod” approach, as I tend to overthink what will get me through my work days without assaulting a coworker or 5. Somehow, this approach has netted me some early-to-mid-oughts hip hop, as well as some random R&B and reggae and one Glee album (blame the wife, not me).
Perusing the hip hop albums contained in my iPod from the above-named period, I have noticed rap’s obsession with “babymamas,” and the way they express that of the obsession is quite odd. Apparently, the expectation is that EVERY dude other than “you” treats his babies’ mother like we are expected to treat a wife; providing housing and a loving situation that would be broken by his sponsored betrayal of affection by inserting himself into her. What makes this odd is that the same guy is playing his OWN kids’ mom off like she ain’t shit and never was shit. This is similar to the “every nigga’s mama is/was a whore… except mine” aesthetic that Grands mentioned the other day.
So let me get this straight…
In the means of dropping insulting rap lines, your best insult to me is talking about knocking down a woman that I have already done, and by application of the term “baby mama,” not only did I not marry her, but cannot be bothered to refer to her by her name either? See, if a “baby mama” had any value at the time in which the orgasm that caused her that title, she might be more properly referred to as an “ex-wife,” maybe “ex-fiancé” or at least “ex-girlfriend.” But no, she is a “baby mama,” which makes her familial relation a simple matter of coincidence more than anything, right place/right time. If, as a macho man, you’re of the mind that having fucked some other guy’s old news will render him weak enough to be put off by it, I worry for your reasoning skills.
Fuck his (current) girlfriend/fiancé/wife, on the other hand, don’t be shocked if someone’s brain meat is made visible. There are no victories to enjoy the spoils of in sniping someone’s sloppy seconds.
Let’s lay it out, here:
Wife: simple, you’ve married her and share with her a commitment and (usually) your granddaddy’s last name.
Girlfriend: you’ve at least committed to some level of exclusivity with one (but sometimes more, depending on what she is down for) woman.
Babymama: given the chance, you would probably strike her from your record if possible, but the unfortunate event of a kid came from it and you’re stuck to her for at least 18 years.
Now, I guess my question here is “who in the hell decided that ‘baby mamas’ were even valuable in the grand scheme of things?”
I mean, I have one child, and I was engaged to her mother when she snuck up on us last July, we’ll be married in 2 weeks here. I’ve had a few near-miss pregnancies in my years between age 16 and meeting my current in 2008, but looking back, ANY of those near-misses would have been merely a babymama and nothing more. With that in mind, the only thing of value that could have come of the situation would have been my child. Sheeit, another dude could have HER, as long as no ill befalls my (hypothetical) child.
I guess i’ll simply chalk this up to another of those things that hip hop is obsessed with but didn’t stop to think about beforehand.