The only reason news of Jay-Z dressing like a teenager didn’t make more waves is because Chris Brown, Meek Mill, & Drake are running around Hip Hop throwing bottles (& soon–lawsuits) at people. Sufficed to say that this fight may have sparked more attention for Mill than all his mixtapes & guest appearances combined. Nonetheless, while the mainstream media market marathon continues on this rumble in nowhere-near-the-jungle, RAWIFDP has decided to focus on more important topics in rap music’s plethora of issues that need attention.
& in this particular instance, said issue is the pair of pants Shawn Carter wore a couple of days ago.
By no means is this a fashion site or a place I’d come to for advice on how to tie an ascot bow, but we know the difference between right & wrong. & while we can’t quite put our finger on exactly what it is, something is definitely not right about Jay rocking nut-huggers.
Instead of drawing wild conclusions or cracking emo(tional) rap(per) jokes, though, we’ve decided to figure out how & why such a thing could take place to begin with. Check out these 5 possible reasons why Shawn Carter was wearing tight pants.
5. Mid-Life Crisis Is Real
Jay-Z has a wife, a daughter, a thousand haters, & millions in dollars & assets. Needless to say, he’s lived a nice, fruitful life. That aside, Jiggaman is 42 years old. The average life expectancy for males in the United States is 77.6 years old. It doesn’t take a mathematician or even a real dedicated pot head to know that he’s a tad bit more than halfway through his personal journey. To some men, that’s a reason to freak out. They start furiously reaching for memories & lashing out at regret. Although I haven’t heard Hova refer to himself as “young” in quite some time, I have no doubt that he calls himself that in the mirror, or to Beyoncé, on a regular basis.
& nothing says “I’m still young, niggas!” like jeans that are literally young.
4. Beyoncé Told Him He’s Got A Nice Shape
Smart men listen to their wives for numerous reasons. The most important one is that she owns his favorite vagina. Therefore, it behooves said man to do whatever it is she suggests, as long as it’s not outrageous.
I’m positive I’ve heard B singing about wanting a young thug dude on more than one occasion. Obviously Jay is a smart man, so you do the math.
3. He Lost A Bet He Made With Memphis Bleek
It was either skinny jeans or a caped-out durag. & it doesn’t even matter what the bet was, because Jay-Z chose the skinny jeans, much to the internets’ delight.
Shout out to M[akin]e[asy]m[oney]p[impin]h[oes]i[n]s[tyle] Bleek.
2. He Didn’t Think Anyone Would Notice
While Shawn Carter may not be at the forefront of any fashion blitzkrieg, he knows enough about looking fly to be fly if the time calls for it. So perhaps he figures we’ll put up with whatever he fashionably throws at us. Remember he tried to get us to stop combing our collective hair(s) & start wearing all black last year? A few years before that, it was button up shirts & hats that fit correctly. It’s arguable that Jay is responsible for a lot of Hip Hop’s trends, & that’s a lofty amount of power. Enough power that he may be at a point where we need to be cautious of his moves because he knows he goes unchecked.
I’m not pulling the Illuminati card or anything, & I haven’t seen him throwing up any gang signs lately, but still. Keep your eyes open. You can never truly trust an ex-drug dealer.
1. Because Wealthy People Don’t Care About What You Think
Ask that Mark Zuckerberg kid if he’s worried about being the butt of any social jokes & – after he giggles – he’ll tell you “No,” zip up his $10 Walmart hoodie & get into a car that’s worth more than my soul. The difference between “rich” & “wealthy” is that rich people want you to know they’re rich. Wealthy people don’t care what you know.
At this point, Jay may get a neck tattoo just because he can. & Justin Bieber will be next in line.