Easier Said Than Done: 5 Simple Tips For Remaining Faithful

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Words By Phlip

It is no secret that men look at women other than their girlfriends & wives. My wife knows this, knows of the existence and content of my Tumblr, and understands that we’re hardwired to appreciate God’s design.Hell, we eventually get/got married, not agreed to die immediately, & it is only sexually healthy to have desires. It then becomes her continuing challenge to meet those desires.

[Phlip note – this IS a 2-way street, gentlemen.]

The problem children (that should read this) are the ones who ACT inappropriately upon the desires born from noticing people other than your partner. Worry not, I am here with 5 good reasons in support of maintaining the fidelity in your relationship.

5. Why bother?
Yes, you read that right. You should be married or in a long, long-term relationship because you’ve found someone that you’re ostensibly happy with so it only makes sense that you work on remaining happy with them instead of finding supplement elsewhere. For those who are not yet married, take this point as one to think long and hard before committing to something/someone you cannot be exclusive with (unless, of course you and she are already agreed to be into that kind of thing).

4. Porn is cheaper than child/spousal support…
Ask your friends who have children with women that they are no longer with about that “CHSUPP” entry that they see on their paystub. Ask the ones who ran afoul of their marriages and how hard they cried when that judge handed down instructions of just how much of his money would be hers for the rest of forever. Compare EITHER of those numbers to the vastness of the internet, or even the cost of a DVD or cable PPV every once in a while.

Get back to me with your findings and tell me that getting some strange is actually ever worth it.

3. Someone Is Always Watchng You…
That enemy is “technology.” What happens in Vegas USED to stay in Vegas. Now it is immediately posted to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and (depending on just how seedy it might so happen to be) Tumblr. Remembering that someone ALWAYS has a camera or camera phone trained on you should be motivation enough to refrain from putting yourself into stupid situations, but in case you forgot, we will move on to the next bullet point and explain that…

2. EVERYTHING is a setup
No, it is not always your wife or fiancé who is setting you up to see just how far you’ll take it. Sometimes it is one of her acquaintances who wants you, or just hates to see HER happy. Sometimes it is one of YOUR acquaintances who wants HER or hates to see you happy. Sometimes it is just some filthy bitch who could give less than shit about your relationship and how it comes out when she is done. What remains is that treating all situations as if you could be getting set up for something should be motivation to avoid doing things that are expensively embarrassing.

1. No one actually LIKES using condoms
Face facts, here… Monogamy has this perk of the beauty of unprotected sex, since you’re either both clean already or have agreed to the possibility of children or already have the same ailments that might be so passed in this manner. When posed with a choice of whether to HAVE to use a condom with NOT having to use one while knowing the difference in how it feels, I cannot think of one dude who would actually choose the condom. Hell, condom companies know this too! If you’ve not seen a condom advertisement touting how “it feels like you’re not even wearing anything!” then you likely do not have cable or aren’t having sex.

Good luck.

Words by Phlip
@CallMePhlip
callmephlip.blogspot.com

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One comment on “Easier Said Than Done: 5 Simple Tips For Remaining Faithful

  1. Ace Vigor says:

    Ha! Truer words never spoken (except for possibly by some expert on the matter, but who has time to read?). I remember all the dirt I’ve done, the very detailed(and scarily instinctive) lies told to cover, the sobering confessions. If I had to add a number #6 to this, it’d be just that, eventually, being a dog gets tiring. You know it’s bad when, before you bone a chick or get the balloon treatment, you give her this significant long disclaimer, something like: “By engaging in this sexual activity, you forfeit all rights and privileges afforded to my actual partner/girlfriend/spouse/boo thang/#1 broad, et cetera, and have no claims or opportunities thereof to my money, time, actual heart, attention; moreover, you do not get to be upset when I don’t respond to your pings/tweets/posts/calls/texts in a timely fashion; furthermore you understand that me saying “I Love You” is directly translated as “I greatly appreciate you allowing me to have my way with you without the hint of an emotional, financial, spiritual or moral investment”. Alas, I should’ve actually put that in writing!

    Like

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