Hip Hop Culture for Grown-Ups
Words by Jherika G.
I hate small talk. I always have and always will. Plenty of women do. It’s rarely, if ever, genuine and is usually someone being nosey or just trying to pass the time. The worst part of small talk has to be the potentially unanswerable questions that people love to ask. But I have all the answers.
“Why Are You Single?”
How do you respond to this? Am I supposed to spill my whole life out in this elevator and tell you all about my trust and commitment problems and my daddy issues? It also depends on who’s asking. If it’s a gentleman courter that I may be interested in I’ll respond like “Oh just haven’t found that right one yet” or “I was looking for you” *insert Stevie J rat face smile here* If it’s an older family member I usually respond “I don’t know Grandma but I’m working on it!!” Everybody else I usually give a sarcastic or shock response just for my own entertainment. Something like “Oh I’m not single, he just doesn’t know he’s my boyfriend yet”.
This is nearly an impossible question to answer. The only real answer is “Because I’m not in a relationship” Anything more honest will be telling too much of your business to someone who honestly doesn’t care that much. If they did care, that’s not a question that would be asked.
“Where’s Your Child’s Father/Mother?”
Unless they know the other parent personally, this is either an attempt to “holla” or judge your life. Who is really going to say “Oh I accidentally got pregnant and me and him weren’t actually in a relationship so he doesn’t come around much” No. That’s too much information. I usually say mine is dead and that I don’t want to talk about it. If you’re uncomfortable saying that, I understand. It happens to be the truth in my case. Just say he/she is in the next place you’re going and that you need to hurry. (I also used to tell people it was Immaculate Conception or a freak accident during my internship at the local sperm bank but that’s another story).
“How’s Your Family?”
You don’t care. You don’t want to know that they’re doing well and achieving all their goals. Most people asking this question already know the answer they want to hear but just want to see if you will give it to them. No matter what is going on in your family, always give an answer similar to “They’re doing well. How about you?” It’s important to not leave the door open for someone to ask more prying questions. If you give them an opening like “We’re okay under the circumstances…” be prepared to answer way more questions.
“What’s your major/What do you want to do with that?”
Is this a job interview? Would you also like a copy of my resume and personal statement? While I do hate this question, be careful because you may be randomly talking to someone that could give you an amazing opportunity. But most people are trying to feel you out and if you say something that could be potentially lucrative, be expecting a new friend. My major is Human Development and Family Studies so you can imagine the look of disappointment on people’s faces when I say I want to be a School/Family Liaison for urban school systems. Yea…nothing to hitch your wagon to here.
Everybody talks about how they hate people in their business but turn around and volunteer information in regular everyday conversations.
Take this with a grain of salt, though. Don’t be a sarcastic jackass to your boss or other fairly important people, I’m not trying to get you fired. But everybody else? Yeah, let em have it.
Words by Jherika G.