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“I’m Sorry?”: 5 Things Men Do & The Real Reasons Why They Do Them

Words by Tony Grands

Ladies, “Cuffing Season” is right around the corner & it’s probably time to do some personal inventory. With that inventory should come a renewed sense of what may need to be done in order to snag that guy you’ve had your eye on all summer.

Let RAWIFDP help you out with some free wisdom & insight.

Men can be complicated creatures, but with even nominal effort on your part, we don’t have to be. A little understanding goes a long way, & it’s ironically unfortunate that more people don’t understand that. Especially when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. There’s no true handbook on the subject, but we’re not going to let that stop us from helping you to help yourself, so to speak.

& it all begins with these five things that men do, & the real reasons why they, or we, do them.

5. Play Video Games
Video games make great babysitters. They’re almost as good as cable television. In fact, maybe better because they’re interactive. Video games are also addictive. Seriously. No one talks about it because it only hurts people with epilepsy, but one can go a lifetime without it being diagnosed & treated.

From the very first video game system our parents buy us, the madness begins & video games infuse themselves onto our DNA. Ask any scientist & he’ll confirm this.

If you buy a dude a game as a gift, you can’t complain. You knew what would happen. Be glad he’s not at the strip club, making it hail on someone’s granddaughter with the loose change in the car’s cup holder.

4. Hang With The Boys
Boys are told to stay away from girls as soon as we learn to tug on their hair & throw dirt at them. We’re segregated in sports as early as kindergarten. We hang with our boys because girls didn’t do the stuff we did. & the girls who did were boys, they just didn’t know it yet.

Boys argue & fight with one another, subsequently building each other’s characters, in the “steel sharpens steel” sense, even with stupid stuff like Dirt Rock Dodge Ball or Who Can Build The Flimsiest Bike Ramp?

It’s like bear or lion cubs fighting in constant scrimmage matches in preparation for the imminent challenges & unavoidable dangers that await them in the stress-riddled adult realm. When we finally make it to adulthood (those of us that do), the only thing that changes is body hair & the accruement of bills. We still need our boys.

3. Look At Other Women’s Body Parts
It’s a natural reaction. A boy’s childhood is filled to the proverbial brim with laps, hips, bosoms, & breasts, from day one. Men don’t look because they want to; it’s instinct.

Now, I have no idea if my mom breast fed me (mainly because asking my mom if she put her chichi in my mouth at some point is easily the creepiest thing in God’s universe), but there’s a reason men like boobs. Hips, until we’re about 8, were the chariots we rode upon when our mom’s & aunt’s carried us. & who hasn’t taken a lap on someone’s lap? See a pattern?

It’s all organic, so cut us a break sometimes.

2. Complain About Your Cooking
Nobody cooks like our mom. Ask around. Why? Because that’s whose food as been forced down our collective gullet since the day she started chewing our food for us. Those that still live with mom are still dining on her cuisine daily. Pause. When we move out, she still insists on feeding us.

Instinct drives us to that smell, & the amount of sugar she puts in her spaghetti has us chemical balanced to her frequency. Only the magical powers of a wife can break that gluttonous, primal bond.

1. Make Everything A Competition
Boys are taunted & disregarded for the majority of their young lives. Especially by older men. Dads, uncles, big brothers, neighborhood bullies all antagonize the hell out of men-in-training, mostly due to their youthful lack of wisdom & life-experence. & as soon as a boy gets a taste of respect-much like the almighty ‘tang-they want as much of it as possible, from anywhere they can get it.

There’s a certain amount of chest-pounding that goes on when a man beats another man at something. Even on a parental level. When my son does something better than the other students, I cross my arms a little stronger & huff my shoulders a little wider knowing that my kid was better than yours. & I’m not alone in my feeling invincible when my kid is more awesome; it’s the natural evolution of “I win.”

Ladies, you may not be keeping score, but none of these things have anything to do with you, per se. Taking it personal when one or more occurs is a definite path to unwanted stress & maybe even gray hair. & now that you know a few new truths, you can do yourselves a favor & relax until Cuffing Season officially begins.

Words by Tony Grands
@TheTonyGrands

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4 comments on ““I’m Sorry?”: 5 Things Men Do & The Real Reasons Why They Do Them

  1. Soulrise
    September 20, 2012

    Man oh man did you nail #1 for me.

    Like

  2. ThaKemizt2012
    September 20, 2012

    Gotta love #4. Those two childhood games alone gave me both fond memories and scars that I’m kinda surprised I lived through.

    Like

  3. Phlip
    September 21, 2012

    Lists like this let me know that I married the right person.
    Video Games means I am HOME to play, and since she bought me the PS3 she can’t really complain. “Hanging with the boys” is always safe, since I am the only drinker among my best friends. She understands the looking part, according to my Tumblr, I do all the cooking in the house and she apparently thinks the competition thing is sexy, because she aids and abets me in them.

    Like

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