Words by Tony Grands
Say what you want, but everybody wants somebody. People who claim they don’t are either on the business end of a break-up or savagely miserable & clawing desperately for a sidekick. Don’t trust those people.The rest of us who enjoy a warm cup of companionship know what I’m talking about. Face it; humans are needy. Once you acknowledge that fact & seek out someone to satisfy your own needs, the faster you’ll find that happiness that everyone keeps clamoring on about.
The problem with this, though, is that society seems to have taken a turn for the worse in recent years. All the good woman & men appear to be gone, in some form or fashion. That makes the quest for a partner a difficult journey, treacherous for those who aren’t properly groomed for the adventure. There was a time when you could meet a cool person to chill with anywhere, but those days are behind us like compact discs & privacy.
For those guys & guyettes who still yearn to find that special somebody amidst a sea of degeneration, RWDP is here to help to open your eyes to these five places where you can still find a decent partner (or teammate, or lover, whatever floats your boat) in 2012.
Place Of Employment
Their wealth isn’t in the paycheck, it’s in their responsibility & willingness to be a part of something bigger than them. For example, between child support, spousal support, school loans/grants, & government aid, America provides plenty of opportunity for a woman to hustle hard without her feet ever leaving the living room carpet. Just like some dudes would rather leech & mooch than go out & bust their humps like regular people. However, don’t let television, politicians, & straight-to-Netflix movies fool you. See, it’s hard to find a good man or woman because they’re usually out conducting some sort of business or at home, taking a quick nap between school & work.
On The Bus/At The Laundrymat
No other place is as humbling as a seat on *insert city*’s public transportation system or inside one of it’s stoic municipal wash houses. Granted, in both settings the ratchets (pronounced “rat chicks”) & hooligans will always stand out, with shrill voices & colorful language taking dominion of all the normals, but that doesn’t mean everyone there is a freak show. Looking for someone who won’t judge you? How about a person with no car. The realest ride or die is the one who didn’t have a ride to begin with. Need a woman who can appreciate the little things in life? Meet a girl at the laundrymat. It’s all math & science when you break it down.
At Your High School Reunion
The only reason they’re there is to show y[ou ]all what they’ve made of themselves, so it’s safe to assume she or he hasn’t let their life collapse. & if so, they’ve likely corrected those missteps before showing up to show off to the people who belittled & teased them for the better part of four years. You know a little bit about their background already, & if you’re lucky, you weren’t one of the people they still hate to this day. If they hate you, though, steer clear. Word to America’s daytime talk show circuit, revenge is real.
Your Grandmother’s Church
Your grandmother has been at her home church for at least 40 years. I don’t care what color she is or who she’s voting for, this is the case for old ladies worldwide. There’s a chance that she’s been there longer than the pastor, & possibly the front row pews & pulpit carpet. People stopped calling her “Sister” & started calling her “Mother” years ago. Therefore, like The Oracle, she knows it all. Business that’s never made it’s way to outside ears has somehow, mysteriously finds it’s way to her bosom. Remember, this is the same woman who can make medicine from food items & loose baking soda. It only makes sense that she should point you in the right direction when you decide to hunt for a mate. You could even take her to the mall & such, like a metal detector for worthy chicks.
Jogging At The Beach (During Daylight Hours)
[Warning: I only recommend this if physical fitness is already your thing. A sweaty cat dressed like he’s making a run to the weed store isn’t going to get the same action as some semi-buff, moderately yoked chap who looks like he belongs at the beach jogging.]
There are three types of people who work out; those who have no choice – health-wise, the vain & pretentious, & people who genuinely care about their appearance without making a big deal about it. The no-choice types usually don’t go to rooms filled with mirrors & unnecessary machinery. They have Shawn T. The conceited folks can not flex a muscle without being able to simultaneously check for tan lines & other people. But those who go jogging when nobody’s looking & eat fruits & salads behind their friends’ backs are probably the down-to-earth types that live a realistic life, professionally & personally. If you live near a beach or nice park (& assuming you’re not a creep or living troll), do yourself a favor & strike up a convo with a chick (in your league) as you both sprint underneath the pier. If she doesn’t mace or stun gun you, you may be in business.
Obviously there are more places & scenarios, but I can’t give up any more information today for free. Happy hunting.
Words by Tony Grands