How The “Friend Zone” Is Like The End Zone


Words by Tony Grands

Have you ever tried to get close to a chick on an intimate level, only to be snuffed out & rejected?& it’s not just your average, ordinary, every day rejection either, but a nice, sincere one, where she wants to remain friends. You – still on the hunt after being shot down – wait patiently on the sidelines for her to come around while she moves forward with her life. You went from willing participant to unwilling spectator in the blink of her contact lensed eye…

If you don’t know by now, you have been placed in the “Friend Zone,” & technically, there’s nothing you can do about it.

The Friend Zone is that uncomfortable spot between like & dislike that a woman (or girl) drops you in when she’s not quite ready to get close to you on that next level. This usually occurs when the woman feels she’s too good for you or thinks you’re just not good enough for her.

It’s a fact that men hate the “friend zone.” It may be because we are on a constant (wo)manhunt for new ‘tang (or old ‘tang that hasn’t been revisited in awhile). Or it may be that rejection can drop a man like a toothache does an elephant. Perhaps it’s because – according to Oscar Wilde – friendship between a man & woman is an impossibility, which makes the “friend zone” an urban legend, a myth, like the people who win the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. Ask most dudes about having strictly platonic relationships with chicks & prepare to hear some spiel about how they have enough friends already. & while that may be absolutely true, it’s that type of thought process that supports women’s collective perspective that men – not all, but most – ain’t shit.

In reality, however, the Friend Zone is the place a guy should start the pursuit of the woman in question.

Lots of relationships falter because the individuals involved have no knowledge of each other. Physical emotion & animal attraction are the reasons they were drawn to one another, & due to the human animal’s resistance to logic, many relationships never leave this proverbial arena. Think back to the worst relationship you had, then ask yourself how well you knew her. You probably didn’t. You probably simply allowed yourself to be siren-called, blinded by lust, likability, & the thrill of the hunt. Now, imagine if you had waited a couple of months to get to know her better.

I know, right?

Chicks are complicated creatures, even before we become personally ensnared by their feminine wilds. & to lend credence to my observations, I have a mother, a wife, a daughter, AND a baby’s mother. Add in the countless failed relationships I survived & rest assured that I know of what I preach. Getting to know a woman, even if only a moderate amount, is best done from a safe distance. A distance from which there’s no possibility for pregnancy, jealous lovers stalking, or exchange of any sexually transmitted disease. Where else can you do that, outside of being a member of her family? The Friend Zone, that’s where.

The ‘Zone (as the gangsters like to call it) has many other positives, including the opportunity to keep her in your sights while you casually enjoy other entrĂ©es on the menu. Keep in mind; she’s not going to even THINK about pulling you from The ‘Zone as long as she knows you’re sticking your breadstick into different cups of pasta sauce. But that’s neither here nor there. There’s also – what I like to call – “spillage.” Those are her friends, who know that you’re in the friend zone, which – to them – means she’s not interested. That means, in a round-about way, that you’re still on the virtual market. That’s tantamount to shooting fish in a barrel. With a shotgun. & a hand grenade. Why go to the club, where you’ll inevitably spend your hard-hustled recession dollars on shit you don’t want nor need, when you can stop at her crib while she’s chillin’ with the homies? She probably already has drank at the house, too.

& in case you didn’t know, girls make awesome friends. They lend you things, buy you stuff, give pretty good advice, & will defend your honor, if need be. For a few years back in the day, my best friend was a (lady) stripper, & I felt sorry for all the dudes who chased her because they weren’t privy to the world I was invited to experience. Having a “sister” that works for a successful strip club is the type of thing dudes of all ages & colors fantasize about.

Friend zones also allow one to get to know the target’s personality(s) & tendencies before leaping into an intimate relationship. It’s better to find out she’s bitchy & unreasonable from afar & early on. It cuts down on collateral damage & wasted time. Play your cards correctly & the tables may even turn. She could possibly come to the conclusion that she does want you, which then places YOU in the captain’s chair. Now, you can put her in the friend zone or your bedroom. The choice is yours.

Remember; you don’t play, you can’t win.

If you’re just out to plug random holes, take these words with grain of salt. (Then throw that salt over your left shoulder for good luck because it’s like a sexual petri dish in these streets…or so I’ve heard.) But if you’re searching for a companion to replace that plastic doll & all your favorite interactive porn sites, this may help to ease the woes of your mid-cuffing season journey.

*calls in huddle* On 3. Ready?

Words by Tony Grands


6 comments on “How The “Friend Zone” Is Like The End Zone

  1. realnagan says:

    The truth dude! Chicks are awesome friends, excellent wing women are the best way to meet new womenfolk. I don’t play women, my female friends know this and they seem to have an inherent set a dude up streak in ’em.

    Dunno if it makes me a “lesser” male but I’m cool with platonic shit. Good post good sir!


  2. Capital G says:

    Me and wifey started in the friend zone (my choice) and were just cool as hell for the first 3 months while I stuck my straw in other milkshakes. Almost 7 years later and we’re still going strong while I know I have a genuinely good woman who I would never dare losing. Now this doesn’t mean I don’t think about being a douchebag, it just means I never act on it. Not because I’m not a nozzle deep in my heart, but because she truly would never deserve to be treated with any duplicitous disrespect.

    Now enough making y’all sick with this soft shit and back to being G’d up from the feet up, lol.


  3. ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence says:

    Being damn near in my 30’s now. I’m sick off playing the game, and had been unwillingly stuck in the friend zone more than enough times. However, now that I have owned up to, respected, and become comfortable with my position, I’m slowly starting to reap the benefits/positives mentioned in the post. It’s like now, women who previously wouldn’t give ya boy the time of day are bending over backwards (some forwards) to lend me a hand, offer advice, just hang out, etc. and do so willingly. The difference between early 20’s Champ and late 20’s Champ is that I know have the mindset to HONESTLY AND GENUINELY APPRECIATE it. Propz for the post Grand$!


  4. Curtis75Black says:

    Preach on Pastor Grands !! Too many quotables that’ll blaze Canibus & Eminem combined !! Being 37 years old, that friend zone is a gift & a curse as you get older. You learn to take it with ease to really see what you’re trying to get into (take that either way). As far as her friends go, YO !! Her friends will be on a you like cops looking to start shit, especially if they know she’s fucking up and there’s nothing she can do about it but get jealous !!


  5. DV says:

    This is DV checking in with a Friend Zone report. Guess who is the first person she calls to “kick it or hangout” when she busts her man cheating? Only thing is now im stuck with eventually having to make a decision between a girl ive known for a while who i like and this new girl ive known for a month who i like as well. Getting too old for this shit. Hats off to those of you who are married. Thats my current goal.

    Random Sidenote: I cant friggin wait to see Django Unchained!


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