Words by Tony Grands
Contrary to popular belief, Summer doesn’t end because school starts. It actually ends on September 22, 2013 (which happens to also be my brother’s birthday.)
Summer used to be my favorite of all seasons. Then I grew up.
Now, it’s just the middle of the year when ridiculousness & tomfoolery seem to interfere with my everyday activities. I can’t rightly say I like Fall or Winter any better, but no other time of year brings out the random crazy people like the summertime does. Especially in Los Angeles.
If you’re anything like me, by August, you can’t wait for September to roll around, & you’ll totally understand these 5 reasons why I’m glad that summer is just about over…
Chicks Stop Dressing Like Superheroes
All summer we’ve been subjected to watching woman of all shapes & sizes squeezing their oblong physiques into tights & yoga pants & little shirts that expose their superhero-like chest tattoos while multicolored wigs bounce synthetically in the warm breeze. While some of these women are undoubtedly sexy & somewhat easy on the eyes, that number is scant. The others have been doing nothing more than ruining tattoos & camel-toe revealing bottoms for the regular chicks. Now that the Sun is going on vacay for a few seasons (sort of), form-fitting clothes will thankfully be replaced with over-sized sweaters, jackets, high-waisted jeans, & tops with some sort of faux-fur finishing move. I love the summer, but I’m more than ready for cooler air & the onset of warmer clothes. Mostly because those stretch pants with the crosses on them hit the streets harder than that God-awful “Cal-i-fornia” gear near the end of August.
Cops Go Back To “Normal” Practices
As a lifelong resident of Los Angeles, I know all to well that the summer is when cops decide to test the weapons they didn’t get to use in the spring. Once schools let out (usually around the same time that the county jail purges it’s nonviolent offenders to ease the facilities overcrowding), the police go on alert mode, tracking potential problems in the street like a hungry frog watching a confident fly buzzing around it’s muzzle. For what it’s worth, cops are the biggest gang in any metropolitan area, & the fancier the residents, the more inventive the cops become. In LA, between the months of June & September, the cops don’t even bother to hide their racial profiling. & if you don’t believe me, hop in the car with a few brown people, cruise up & down Crenshaw on a hot summer day, & before long you’ll be spread eagle on the jagged concrete being threatened with a taser. Usually they are looking for bigger fish than the average joe, but they won’t stop them from dismounting the patrol car & pulling out a baton “just in case.” In a tweet last week, I said “Cops should just start yelling “Worldstar!” when they hop out of their cars. I wasn’t joking. But when Summer ends, they seem to ease up a bit, almost as if they know something we don’t.