The Checklist: 6 Things You Shouldn’t Be Doing After Age 30

Words by Tony Grands

There comes a time in life when we all have to grow up. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. The thing about growing up, though, is that there’s no definitive time or situation that demands this change to occur.

It’s almost like you wake up one day & realize that you’re not a kid anymore.

While this sounds like common sense, it’s actually not. Plenty of so-called adults have no idea what it means to be “grown,” even though they are constantly telling other adults that they are.

Back in the day (whenever that was), 18 was the age at which a person was considered grown. Over time, it seemed like 25 became the measuring point. Today, however, the general consensus says that 30 is the age when all childish things (decisions included) should be put away. Yet & still, people far & wide hit that mark & continue to do things that should’ve been left in their roaring 20’s.

Just because you think you’re an adult doesn’t mean you are one, especially if you can’t relate to the 6 things you shouldn’t be doing after age 30…

Tattooing Your Hands, Neck, Or Face
Commemoration is totally understandable. After all, what more is a tattoo than a visual homage to something the tattooee deems important? Perhaps you have a new kid or have finally found the love of your life after what seemed like an endless search & want to advertise your boundless glee with bodily mutilation.

There’s nothing wrong with inking your body to celebrate a joyous life moment, it’s just that after age 30, one should be wiser about the places they choose to do it. A new face, neck, or hand tat — post 3 decades of life — screams mid-life crisis. Or even “I give up!” Stick to the arms, chest, & back, for your kids’ sake if not your own.

Being young is about making bad decisions. After 30, you’re not afforded that naïve luxury any longer.

Fist Fighting (Unless You Have To)
We live in a world where people don’t seem to respect one another any longer, so occasionally there comes a time when it’s necessary to throw your balled-up hands at another person in order to prove your point.

One of the major problems with this, though, is that humans have lost the ability to take an ass-whipping, & the resulting retaliation is usually shooting or stabbing. When did people get so soft? After a certain amount of years on this planet, the skill of “walking away” should have been adopted for: safety reasons, avoiding prison time reasons, & the reason that you’ll never be able to teach your kid’s right from wrong if you’re walking around punching people. It’s one of those things that usually ends up in the “it seemed like a good idea at the time” pile. Most importantly; if the fight footage somehow ends up on “Ridiculousness,” “Tosh.0,” or the devil’s-son-in-law “WorldstarHipHop,” it’ll be hard to explain to your kids why you got knocked out or arrested or both. The Internet is hard enough without you giving your kids another reason to contemplate suicide.

That said, defend yourself if need be. F*ck the bullsh*t.

Going To Prison For The First Time
If you haven’t been arrested for shoplifting, assault, DUI, traffic warrants, hit & run, obstruction of justice, possession of an illegal substance, jay-walking, indecent exposure, driving without a license, failure to appear, community service noncompliance, animal cruelty, child endangerment, purchasing drugs from an undercover cop, carrying a concealed weapon, or aiding & abetting a criminal by the time you are 30 years old, theoretically speaking, you shouldn’t ever be. You have mathematically dodged a proverbial bullet.

At the end of the day, losing your job over being arrested for something silly has got to be some embarrassing sh*t, & it’s totally avoidable. Walking around with bruises on your face or a cast on your forearm probably sucks, too.

Everyone’s not built for jail or prison, & if you haven’t gone after all this time, you are likely one of those people.


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