Not-So-United States: 10 Ways The Government Shutdown Could Affect You

Words by Chan Bam

With all the talk of the government going on an LOA (leave of absence) due to us hitting the debt ceiling tomorrow, where would that leave us in the balance?

1. The mental of the American people would be royally f*cked up. I mean, whether we say it or not, most of us are proud to be an American – one of the world’s most prominent and democratic nations. For us to shut it down, would cause mental shockwaves not just here, but globally.
2. Any type of federal funding projects would be placed on an abrupt halt. That means those HUD Homes, government funded home loans, federal school loans, etc – yep, that’s gonna be placed on hold – causing you to possibly be homeless and without an education until they figure it out.

3. As messed up as a shutdown would be, one thing that won’t be stopped is the collection of taxes. So if you’re thinking of going to make a sizeable purchase while Big Brother is on pause, think again. Uncle Sam don’t take no breaks.

4. The mail will still run, but what do you have to look forward to if you’re waiting on government assistance? Junk mail, that’s what.

5. Need insurance or to start a new prescription? While the Republicans have done their best to act up and shut down Obamacare, the healthcare reform would remain untouched, as its funds aren’t reliant on the congressional budget process.

6. Yea, about that gun permit, you’re gonna have to wait. Sorry, you’ll have to reserve your personal episode of “Snapped” for a later date.

7. Law enforcement would be paid in IOUs – and I don’t think that’s really gonna keep the streets safe. As a police officer, how hard would you beat the street for free? While they take an oath to keep the communities safe, don’t you think not knowing when they’ll get their next paycheck would kinda mess with their mind while on duty? #HideYaKidsHideYaWives

8. You can finally take that family vacation you always wanted, except you just can’t take the kids to any national parks, zoos or museums. Over 360 National Park Service sites would be closed should the government shutdown. And if you’re trying to leave the country, but don’t already have your passport, think again. Yeen goin nowhere!
9. If you live in the D.C. area, be prepared to be attacked by garbage because there won’t be any trash men coming to collect last week’s leftovers that molded in the fridge or baby’s #2 diapers – they’d be on break too. Why? Washington’s budget has to be approved by Congress. So no city budget means no trash collection. Stats show D.C. produces nearly 500 tons of garbage a week. Gas masks anyone?
10. All federal employees are on furlough until further notice. And in previous shutdowns, all employees that stayed home were retroactively paid once it was over. I see why these fed jobs are so damn hard to get!
 Words by Chan Bam


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