Manhood Mondays: How To Truly Enjoy Your Off Day


I think we can all agree that work is some bullshit.

I don’t care if you went to college and graduated with a thousand degrees or if you dropped out of school at 16 and live by the skin of your teeth every month. Routinely going somewhere and doing the same thing daily eventually becomes an innocuous pile of redundant bullshit. Of course some folks love their jobs, but that pack of savage idiots is few and far between. The rest of us drones groan constantly until the day we retire or die. Whichever occurs first. This realization should put some extra importance on things like your time, your money, and your days off. Especially your days off.

Let’s do some math; for all the energy and effort we hurl forth throughout the work week, ultimately it all boils down to one solid point. That point is that we work to enjoy our days off from work. It is imperative that you treat those days like the royalty that they clearly are. If you’ve been neglecting to do so, shame on you.

With any hope, we can correct these prior missteps and help you maximize your future off days.


OG Ferris B.

The first thing you have to do is kick your family out. I understand that oftentimes off days are the only days when families can fully spend time together, but eff all that. There are 2 off days in a 7 day work week. Take one for yourself because a man is only as good as he is mentally healthy.

Once the family has been vanquished, prepare any supplies you may need for the day. For example, and this is just for example, if you partake in the burning of dry herbs, build an ample amount of airplanes so you don’t need to stop and do so later. If drinking is your thing, be sure to do any necessary driving before starting your responsible binging. MSM doesn’t condone drinking and driving, so all that going back and forth to any type of liquor store or bar can be eliminated. Better safe than sorry.

It is important to be a little selfish today. Some leeches friends and family may know that you’re off and will strategically call you at a time when they’re sure you’ll be task-less. Fuck all that. Tell them “No” without guilt nor concern. I would say don’t answer the phone, but I’m not a big fan of not answering the phone. Because you never know who may have died in a plane crash.

I understand that some real world tomfoolery must take place during your off days, but isolate it to one day. Don’t let “running errands” and “paying bills” become a double-day marathon of hurdle and hoop jumps in the interest of other people. That shit’ll have you losing touch with yourself like a man with shrinking arms. And not for nothing, but I schedule my off days for the activities I want to do. I’d call it an itinerary if I were a more important man. Much like the crap I have to do at work, I must accomplish this things and nothing will deter me. Unless it’s something more fun than what I already have lined up. Then all bets are off.

Your off days should be of the utmost importance to you. They’re the closest you’ll get to enjoying laziness and daytime television until your twilight years. Fill them with as much leisure and snack intake as you can tolerate. Life is short, but it’ll be much shorter if you never step to smell the roses.

And just think; this wouldn’t even be an issue if you had started selling drugs with your uncle back in the day. By now you would have been getting released from prison without a care in the world.

Words by Tony Grands
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