Hip Hop Culture for Grown-Ups
Congrats, fellas! Welcome to (what some consider) manhood!
This year marks an extremely awesome turning point in your existence. Contrary to what your mom thinks — because you’ll always be her baby — you are an adult, officially. It would be a disservice for me not to give you a heads up on what’s going down.
Play time’s over. Time to start taking shit seriously. Let’s start here, with a handful of life hacks, shall we?
Cut Off Dumb Friends
Dumb friends do little more than cause chaos, confusion, smoke up all your smoke, and drank up all your drank. Dumb friends are also known for getting you into stupid ass situations but won’t lift a finger to help you get out of them. There’s an old saying, “Birds of a feather flock together.” In this case, you might want to find a different direction to go in especially if the birds you share feathers with are chickens or songbirds. Keep at least one of those friends, however, if for nothing more than entertainment purposes. Because seriously, dumbass friends are hilarious as long as they don’t cost you money, blood, or time. Plus they make you look smarter than you may actually be.
People tell me that I’m biased towards relationships because I’ve been somewhat happily married for over 10 years. Perhaps, but even still, trust and believe I know what I’m talking about. Staying faithful in a relationship isn’t the easiest thing to do but being unfaithful in a relationship could turn out to be
a bunch of bullshit much more difficult than you ever imagined. Between unwanted babies, unwanted diseases, & unwanted stalkers, I’d say it’s a wiser choice to find somebody that you like enough to stick with through the good and the bad. And if it gets that bad, leave. The last thing you want following you through eternity is a love child from a loveless encounter or Hepatitis-C from a one night stand.
Don’t Get Arrested
Fuck jail. I’ve never been and don’t plan on going (unless you tamper with my family). 2 reasons why; I’m a skinny, lightskinned, Black dude and criminal records are like a vaccine against success. Avoid that shit, bruh. If my pops didn’t teach me anything else, he taught me how to survive. That entails avoiding prison, not doing things that will get you killed, and staying out of the way of foolishness as best you can. And if you think about it, just focusing on not going to jail it’s somewhat of an umbrella to all the things I just mentioned.
I noticed a lot of kids nowadays seem to have a problem taking orders from authority figures. Personally, I believe it stems from a lack of centralized power in the home. It’s virtually impossible to expect the man to follow orders and take directions when he never had to do so as a boy. What you end up with are grown men who can’t keep jobs or stay out of trouble because they never developed the ability to go with the program. Ugh. I respect my boss because my kids like to eat food and watch cable TV, not because he’s my boss. That’s called “going with the program.” The fact of the matter is that some people are in charge of shit and if you’re not one of those people in charge, then you’re one of the people who has to take the orders. That has to follow the directions. That may have to bow down every once in a while to make sure that your table is clean, clear, and ready to be eaten off of, if that makes any sense. I’ll be the first person to disagree with ass kissing but I’ll also be the first person to point out how important social survival is. Do what you gotta do to make it or get left.
Shave the unnecessary hair, bruh. And by “unnecessary” I mean your lower man-pouch and your armpits. They collect and distribute your astringent body odors like flowers spout spores. You don’t have to tell anyone. Only people that’ll know are your significant other, God, and the guards that have to strip search you for whatever you’ll probably get arrested for in the near future. 2 things are going to happen when you do. 1, you’ll save money on Cologne and deodorant because you don’t smell as bad as frequently and 2, you will be more desirable to the ladies. Try it.
Words by Tony Grands
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