Hip Hop Culture for Grown-Ups
Contrary to common misconception, being a “baby daddy” doesn’t make you an inherently evil person. It just means that you didn’t make the best decisions in the past. If you’ve created more children out-of-wedlock since then, you’re still not making the best decisions, but you’re older now and more mentally prepared to deal with the aftermath. I’d assume. So you’re kinda on your own. Nonetheless…
The relationship between estranged parents can and likely will be a strained one. She’ll probably hate you, no matter what you do. As long as you understand that’s just the nature of the beast, it’ll be easier to absorb the negative energy without taking it personally, if that makes any sense. Whether you want to or not, being friends with your baby momma is not only achievable, but it will make your life a couple iota easier. Start with these 5 minimal effort activities.
Keep the kids longer than legally arranged.
Generosity makes the world go ’round. People are stingy misers these days, though, and perhaps that’s why humanity is in such a shitty position, but that’s for another day. When you weekend is over, offer to keep the kids longer. Sweeten the pot by acknowledging that you don’t care if she’s going to have fun or not. This will level the playing field a little later down the road. Credit, most definitely. Leverage, if need be.
Buy her other kids shit, too.
It sounds like a page ripped straight from a chapter of “Captain Save-A-Hoe’s Guide To Being An Awesome Step Dad” but no. It’s simply an extended olive branch, a physical manifestation of the acceptance of your nuclear family. Beware that this tactic may inadvertently turn you into the go-to babysitter, but you can cross that bridge while you count your chickens.
Befriend her new dude.
As long as you aren’t harboring some stalker-y, still in love, R&B song lyrics emotional attachment to your baby momma, it shouldn’t matter who she’s with. It would behoove you to befriend the guy who’s in charge when you aren’t around. Sure, your kids can AND will give you a rundown of what’s going on, but that ain’t shit compared to the things you can learn about a man over a nicely rolled joint of some choice dry herb. I’m not saying invite him to the mancave and introduce him to the crew, I’m just saying. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Don’t have sex with her.
Don’t believe the hype. Just because you allegedly fertilized her egg with your seed doesn’t mean you’re obligated to continue to hit that if the relationship has gone awry. It won’t earn you any points with your friends, and in fact that may regularly tease you, which could become extremely irritating if you smoke weed with them on a pretty consistent basis. It’s simple; you can’t be friends with your kid’s mom if you’re no longer in possession of the lock but you’re still trying to stick your key in it. That’s called a conflict of interest and it can get real messy real quick no matter how you navigate it.
Introduce her to your new chick
The final nail in the proverbial coffin (unless you’re still following rapper advice and boning her) will be introducing her to whomever it is you’re dating. This assuming you don’t consider every warm body a “date,” of course, because that would make you appear to be a whore, and mothers are generally against their children being cared for by a rotation–or a stable–of different women. Then again, I know very little about the pimp culture so don’t take my word for what they will or won’t tolerate. When you do finally introduce the new one to the old one, be warned. The transition will not be an easy one. However, over time, the wounds will heal. And it is absolutely necessary for a fresh start.
Words by Tony Grands
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