Manhood can be tough. Especially for men who don’t/didn’t have anyone to show them how to do it. It’s actually quite simple. You’re here to move heavy objects, fight off animals, insects, and savages, make babies, pay bills, and evetually, feed the worms via your decomposing corpse after your company has worked you to death.
Boys, enjoy being boys, because as men, the world is trying to kill you.
In the meantime, per usual, TGDC is here to help make manhood a little bit easier on you, with this checklist of things every man should have on him at all times. You may want to print this for future reference, and even pass them out amongst your crew of deviant scoundrels.
Good luck out there.
Because — let’s be honest — the last thing society needs is another unwanted kid.
□ A Weapon
Because shit gets real, real quick. I’m not advocating violence, but I’m definitely a proponent of self defense. Plus, zombies.
□ Drug of Choice In His System
Because reality bites. Hard. Might as well bite back, in a responsible manner, of course. No drinking and driving, no smoking crack before a parent-teacher conference, etc.
□ A Willing Ex-Girlfriend
Because your mom won’t always be available to wipe your ass for you.
□ Spare Change
Because you never know when you’ll need to make a call from a pay phone or buy 2 cigarettes.
□ An Escape Route
Because shit happens, and you don’t want to be the guy who dies in a mall fire.
□ A Testimony
Because a man without a story to tell is a boy…
□ An Excuse
Because every failure needs a reason, otherwise how can people judge you?
□ Change For The Bus
Because if you get kicked out of the car, walking may ruin your shoes, and if your phone battery is dead, how the hell are you going to call an Uber?
□ An Ink Pen
Because after pulling out your phone, unlocking it, finding the correct app, and typing, you probably forgot what you could’ve just as easily written in your hand.
□ Phone Charger
Because battery life isn’t promised.
□ Can/Bottle Opener
Because you never know when you’ll need to guzzle a brew or open a can of beans.