TGDC’s Guide To Being A Better Customer

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In the United States of America, everyone is a customer. From real estate agents to crackheads, supplying and demanding is what drives our glorious nation.

We have 24 hour stores for convenience and multiple ways of spending our cash or extending our debt whenever we see fit. Currency is our god, and retail is our religion. Perhaps that’s why our national debt is so high, but that’s for another day. Because money rotates so rapidly and rampantly in America, buying and selling is a constant variable. Someone somewhere is purchasing something. And with so much pressure applied to the worker to perform at premium levels, we seem to overlook the role of the customer. We even give him unnecessary authority. Realistically, dealing with the customer — whether internal or external — is usually the crappiest part of any position, and in case you’re one of those jerks who makes people’s jobs unnecessarily challenging, today we’re going to make you a better customer.

I turned to my Facebook page to talk to some of my customer service representative friends about how you — the consumer — can be better customers. The responses have been reiterated, but the point is clear and concise. Happy shopping, y’all.

Know when to shut the fuck up. They say that customers always right, but that’s not always the case. For the most part you can’t possibly be right about something you either a) can’t do or b) don’t have access to. Therefore, as a customer, you clearly need the service rep’s help. It would behoove you to present them with your query and politely chill back so they can resolve it for you. Any unnecessary communication on your part will only lead to confusion on theirs. I guarantee.

Don’t act like you know the job, even if you do. The worker is a paid professional, no matter the service provided. They are paid to dispense whatever knowledge and/or product designated. Most workers take a certain amount of pride in what they do, and to tell them how to do what they do for a living is to traipse all over their dignity. No quicker way to get bad info, shortchanged, or even your food spit in than by being unnecessarily demanding rather than just riding in your own lane.

If you must interact, be entertaining. If you’re feeling extra chatty that day because you spent an extra $3.00 with your drug dealer, be sure and have some dope shit to say. Frankly, no one wants to be at work. It matters not the time nor the place of employment so small talk is generally frowned upon. If you must chat, be witty. Be humorous. Be entertaining. Tell an unusual anecdote. Do more than ask what time their lunch is or talk about how you feel sorry for them.

Be realistic with expectations. Understand that most jobs are tedious. You — the customer — are the umpteenth person to ask your question today. Don’t take the droll energy emitted personally, but more importantly don’t be the customer who expects employees to do backflips for you. That likely will not happen. And when it doesn’t, don’t complain, simply put yourself in their shoes. Yeah, I know, they’re kinda roomy…

Don’t speak for your spouse. The only thing worse than a man who won’t let his woman speak for herself in public is a woman who does all the talking for her guy.

Leave your woes at home. Whatever hourly or monthly salary the worker receives from his/her company is not enough to solve your problems during the transaction. Even if they care about your misery or happiness, your personal life is not their concern or curiosity. So if you want to complain about your spouse or not getting a raise, save yourself some hassle and just post it on Facebook like normal people do.

Keep in mind that the worker is merely a worker, not the boss, CEO, CFO, or owner. They are only capable of doing what they can do. In most instances, they have very little authority over policies and rules, so if and when they deliver bad news to you, there should be no reason to take it out on them. Save that negative energy for your next family court date. And asking a worker to bend or break a rule is grounds to get your asskicked, or even your identity stolen, though I don’t advocate nor promote violence or white collar crime in the workplace or its parking lot.

Use your inside manners. Don’t go into someone’s place of business and take out your insipid familial issues on the employees. Hostility is usually above the average employee’s pay grade. Huffing and puffing and fussing like a baby will get you treated like one. Plus, this is 2015. Being irate and belligerent in public is the best way to get the cops called on you. And cops don’t arrest anymore, they’ll just kill you. You can avoid becoming a hashtag and the reason for the next protest by leaving your issues at home when you’re out conducting business.

These blurbs of advice aren’t speculation or hearsay. This information has been spewed directly from the horse’s mouth onto your screen. You can ignore it, or utilize the priceless wisdom to fully maximize your every shopping experience.

— Tony Grands

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