Are You Still In Violation?: 5 (More) Things Men Should Stop Doing Immediately

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If you’re a regular visitor, you’ll remember a couple of weeks ago when we discussed 5 things men should stop doing immediately. Well today we are back with 5 more things.

For those who missed it, you can read it here.

TGDC is on a mission to revive, reconstruct, and reintroduce manhood into mainstream society, one dude at a time. Read on for the 5 more things men should stop doing immediately. And if you find yourself in violation, fret not. Admittance is Step One of asking for help.

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Taking Selfies
The entire concept of the “selfie” is centered around a woman’s love of her beauty and her innate urge to share it with the rest of society. (Something that existed before the Internet.) This is understandable. The relationship between a women and her looks is something I’m not clinically trained to comment on. But men don’t generally wield their looks as a beacon of acceptance. They kill shit, move furniture, and open jars for their respect. So men, I encourage you, if you feel the uncontrollable, insatiable desire to photograph yourself randomly and reasonlessly, do so while doing something utilitarian. Please. If this is the only way to pass genuine masculinity down to future generations, so be it.

All I ask us that you don’t be this guy.

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Rocking “Messenger Bags” (And Other Chick Accessories)
I know this is post-racial, post-sexual America, but some aspects of life shouldn’t, nay, can’t be changed no matter what cattywompus direction society is shitting in. I know we all collectivey cheered Michael Sam and Bruce Jenner, but a man is still a man in my book, because he has no options. And no “heroic” social icon will ever change that.

That being said, men’s accessories are becoming more and more ladylike, and if we — as men — don’t do something about it now, we may find ourselves shaking our fists at the clouds, lambasting and lamenting about waiting too long in the near future. A man won’t be able to go out a purchase a decent wallet or backpack because — thanks to Target — everything will he genderless. The shopping experience will become the equivalent of every Black Friday sale you’ve ever attended, with old ladies and babies trying to pry bedazzled pocketbooks from your grizzled hands as you jig toward the nearest cash register. No way.

Let’s take a stand now. Take off the grandma earrings. Give the shiny bracelet to your step-daughter. Put down the messenger bag, because it looks like a purse. Remove, burn, and bury that fanny pack. Fight the power, or subsequently become part of the problem.

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Arguing With Their Ex (Wife/Girdriend/Kid’s Mother)
In all honesty, she’s already won. If your ex has any control over your life, she’s the victor. It’s virtually pointless to argue because she has the given authority to make you jump through proverbial hoops whenever she feels like it. If your paying spousal support, child support, or any variation of bills you may have acquired together, any verbal conflict has already been awarded to her, and no clever barrage of verbiage will change that. Take solace on knowing she’s no longer your problem anymore.

I work with a few guys who understand how this works. I hear their ambient convos whilst I scarf down my lunch in the break room. The tone of their voice is calm and rational, yet with every uncomfortable giggle you can hear the hear the knuckle-whitening frustration hovering just outside of arm’s reach. But rather than give in to their obviously rattled emotional state, they grin and bear it. Until the next time. Because they’ve learned that resistance us futile and most of the time, it isn’t worth the energy anyway.

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Carrying Their Babies In A Papoose
It looks terrible. It feels even worse. I kno in did it for a couple of years with back-to-back babies. At the time, I thought strapping my offspring to my chest was a sign of nobility and honor. A sort of billboard, not only advertising my successful sexual mechanics but also showcasing how seriously I’ve taken this obligation. I couldn’t wait to load a baby onto my chest and stroll though public places like I was escorting the golden child away from that creepy White guy.

Nah.

In hindsight, I looked like a jerk, subjecting my baby to whatever degree of halitosis I had achieved by then. While it does free-up both hands, it turns the baby into a human shield, too. See, these are diabolical times, and God and Satan are slap-boxing on Earth right now. Last thing you want is to have your baby become the unintentional ballistic armor that saves your life. I’m just saying. Put those babies in a stroller or on your neck, fellas.

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Wearing The Color Pink
I’m not afraid to admit that Bruce Jenner changed some of the rules. Between him and the legalization of gay marriage the playing field is now leveled, for better or worse. Men, women, no difference anymore, or so it seems that’s the way we are leaning. Target, the department store giant, is eliminating gender in its stores, if you need an example of what I mean. It already introduced the concept if unisex bathrooms seems years ago, and this is the next phase. Surely it will catch on, but that’s a subject for another day.

Having said that, it’s imperative that men be identifiable from far away distance, in case we are in danger or just need a friend at the moment. I nominate we adopt camouflage as a uniform color, and unless a special occasion otherwise dictates, that we should wear. There are various patterns to choose from, all recognizable to the keen, masculine eye.

Bottom line, give pink back to the ladies and babies. Get some man colors and represent properly before there’s nothing left to represent.

— Tony Grands

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2 comments on “Are You Still In Violation?: 5 (More) Things Men Should Stop Doing Immediately

  1. Can’t remember if this was in the last five. Using emojis in texts and putting k instead of ok in texts.

    Like

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