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Hip Hop Culture for Grown-Ups

Surviving Football Season As A Woman

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Ladies, as you may or not know, the NFL season commences on 9/10/2015

We know that most of you feel some kind of way about this forthcoming date, but advise you to avoid getting into your feels about it.  This is a tall task to request of anyone who is intent on taking it there, so we’ve come equipped with some pointers to employ to make it to the other side with your sanity and your relationship intact.

1 – He is home, and even if he hasn’t committed to remaining sober, you can take solace in knowing that he is safe from side b*tches, DUI arrests or police aggression outside of the house.  For that you should be grateful.

2 – He is MORE than willing to make this a shared experience. Men LOVE when we can spend time with our woman doing shit that WE love to do.  Football, automobile racing, action/adventure movies, etc…  If you’re willing to attempt to understand football, we’re willing to spend that time with you.

3 – Scandal returns on 9/24/2015 (note: this is also a game night, so there better be 2 or more televisions in the house)…  Think for a moment, “would I want him complaining and yucking up my experience?”  You literally need no more than a couple of seconds to answer that with the expected “hell no” and you know it, no need to go further.)

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4 – Fantasy Football… Look, some of us (NOT ME!!!) love football so much that we spend countless hours using the real-life goings on in real football to spend the other 5 non-football days of our weeks to prattle on about fake football.  It SOUNDS like some nerdy-ass shit until you realize that sometimes this is nothing more than a conduit to legalized gambling in the for-pay leagues.

5 – 👈 that is how many months the season lasts…  On the other side of it is NBA All-Star Weekend and then Valentine’s Day immediately after that. Know out front that HE hates Valentine’s as much as YOU hate football, but he concedes and buys you shit and takes you out anyway.  The beauty of the timing of this is that you’re allowed a wonderful romp in celebration of his team’s success or consolation for their not quite reaching their intended glory.

These are not rules, nor are they the end-all to any expected situation you may find yourself in.  What they are, however, are an idea of the kind of thinking that will help you keep it together during the season.

If you’re the “I made you and your buddies your favorite snacks and there’s cold beer in the fridge” type, he and his friends will love you forever.  If you’re the “I watch football and talk shit too!” type, he will be the envy of all of his friends. If you are BOTH of the above types, you can almost expect to see a ring at the end of the season, unlike the Oakland Raiders.

Words by PHLIP
(@callmephlip)

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This entry was posted on September 1, 2015 by in callmephlip, football, headbands and jockstraps, Phlip, sports talk and tagged , , .

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