Facebook Groups: The Seedy Underbelly of FB


Words by Phlip

You’ve seen them before…

A bunch of local cats linking up to sell car parts or basically have a yard sale without having to have a lawn to fuck up.  A larger national/international set with the wherewithal to shill those same goods on a larger scale.  Thinktanks on specific issues (cars, social justice, music, hatespeech, etc…)

A group of cats who linked up to share various images of T and A that they have located on the internets or received from women they are no longer diddling (more on that later).  A group of women sharing images and tales of the unsolicited dicktures they have received.

Wait, what, repeat those last two?

Yes, you read that right and have now been introduced to the seedy underbelly of FaceBook where the ability to mark your Group as “Private,” “Secret” or even “Hidden” shields you from the peering and judgmental eye of your 67 year-old auntie on the stalker bar when logged into the desktop version or the “look what Phillip is liking” snitchery on the mobile version.

FB groups are where we go to unwind and have the fun in the language/content that just shouldn’t be shared with your 14 year-old nephew or your 1988 Sunday School teacher on your main timeline.  Some shit they need to find out on their own or just don’t need to know, respectively…


Being a man and speaking to a few different ladies on this topic, I have learned that there are a few differences in how different genders inside of these groups operate…

Men: fuck it, if you’re conversing with me, you know I like big titties and thick girls.  THAT is what I will discuss in my free time.  What should also be known is that your pictures/secrets are safe with most of us.  You sent one of us nudes, and we like that enough to want more, so we would work to not break the trust that led to the receipt because dammit we want MORE!

Women: will gloss over the existence of said groups…  BUT!!!  If you sent her an unsolicited dickture (meaning a picture of your dack that she didn’t request or snap herself) then you can expect the picture, description and assessment of ashyness to be discussed in the context of humor between she and her friends.  You do NOT want to be the topic of that conversation.  Similarly, the ones she keeps to herself are the ones she WANTS for herself.

Men: Situations are described in the context of some kind of a conquest and sometimes names get named, especially if it is some anonymous person who no one in the group will likely ever meet like the Japanese girl you met on deployment.  The exception to this is in the case of a chick you intend to keep around a while.  Worry not, women…  The “smashed the homies” code is still in play for most men, and we won’t chase after a women one of our friends previously fucked with.  I cannot speak for the most dastardly of men.

Women: only time a name is named is when it is attached to a bad situation, making it more of a warning shot than an advertisement.  The exception to this rule is in the case of a thot, and there is at least ONE in every one of these groups (and all of the women discuss the thottery when she is not around).

Men and Women: a co-ed group will INVARIABLY turn to men trying with all they possess to make coitus one (but usually several) of the women in the group and WILL act upon that desire, be it welcomed or not.  It is an inevitability and to be expected of several of them in the group.

Women and Men: if women are guilty of the above, they are WILDLY more guarded about keeping clamps on that fact.  You can know that body parts are pierced (with photographic evidence), her favorite positions, how enthusiastic she is to give or receive specific favors but all you see outwardly in these groups is dudes getting curved.

Why do we (and by “we,” I mean all of us who participate in these) do this?  BECAUSE IT IS ENTERTAINING, DUMMY!!!  I specifically recall mentioning that I like large breasts, where better to witness an outpouring of them than in the presence of beings of like mind?  I also love sports, hip-hop, sneakers and my Nissan 240SX so I am in private/hidden groups for each of those items as well.  

It kind of amazes me to find that people are so willfully aware of the fun that is taking place just outside of their view.  Maybe they are being purposely obtuse to it because it is not their cup of tea, or maybe they are aware and are looking away with judgment.  For the most part, our use of FaceBook is innocuous and leaves our significant other with NOTHING to worry about…  Shit, even the consumption of T&A is just as healthy, provided we work up our appetites out in the world and come the fuck home to eat.  Yes, there is a seedy underbelly of FaceBook, but damned if I am not trying to enjoy my little piece of it, perhaps you should too!

Words by PHLIP
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