Hip Hop Culture for Grown-Ups
From the time you were a little boy, you are brainwashed by older, jaded, run-down men that it is impossible to win an argument with a woman.
Especially a woman who you’ve allowed to
run your life be your significant other.
Judging by the amount of failed marriages and eroded relationships you have to dog-paddle through at every family gathering, there’s clearly some truth to this analysis. I mean, let’s keep it real. I can count on one hand the amount of arguments I’ve won against my wife over the past 14 years. And each time, I celebrated as a man should when he claims victory over such an insurmountable opponent. These W’s are few and far between, but they are W’s nonetheless.
Listen, every argument won by a man, no matter the race, creed, religion, or social value, is another battle won in the perpetual war against all oppressors of our beloved masculinity. Seriously.
The main reason women win arguments is because they have the vagina. The vagina is arguably the most powerful force known to mankind. Not only is it a mental and physical stimulant, but as a scientific ingredient, mix it with just about anything and you’ll almost always get the same results. For instance, combine the vagina with food and a man will go out of his way. Mix the vagina with a place to live and a man will do anything. Add the vagina with money and a brother will reach personal new heights that he wasn’t previously aware he was even able to ascertain. Vagina is the mother catalyst for all activity, bruh. The ultimate stub hub.
The vagina is so powerful, so strong, so enigmatic, that when we refer to the vagina, we should capitalize the V. Never in the existence of anything ever has such a shallow hole been so deep.
Now that we’ve exposed the Vagina, like a desperate prostitute, it should be clear that basically everything done by man is done for a woman. As long as she’s aware of the vitality in the palm of her hand, the power will never leave her grasp. And you give her that power and control every time you go scratching and sniffing around for the Vagina. Especially when you lose an argument.
There have been instances when you presented your case in an argument against your significant other and you were absolutely, undisputedly correct in where you stood. You stated your fact, explained your observations, and even illustrated examples to support the reason that you arrived at your conclusion. Even if a valid case against what you laid out was constructed, it would still be a matter of actuality and tangibility. You know, shit that you can touch and prove.
But what had happened was that you allowed her to dazzle and mesmerize you with the verbal and mental footwork that women have had mastered for hundreds — if not thousands of years. It’s like emotional jousting. She asked you about a time that may or may not pertain to the present conflict. You spin wildly, searching your recollection for this event so you can possibly use it as a counter attack. But in the midst of your anxious swirl, you lost your mental footing and subsequently forgot what page you were on to begin with. Once you finally parried the attack and attempted to regain your position, it was a wrap. She confused you. Now you’re reacting off of emotions, and all of your responses are in response to her responding to God-knows-what.
You have been defeated, brother. But fret not, for you are not alone, nor will you be the last defeated man today. This hour. Hell, some poor guys probably losing an argument that he should be winning right this moment.
Help is here, tho(ugh).
The key to winning an argument with your woman is basically to avoid it altogether. Now, I don’t mean avoid it in a passive aggressive, agree with everything she says, bring her her purse and hold it while she shops for new shoes on your dime way, I mean manufacture an environment to where the problem won’t even exist.
Whatever it is that you’re constantly arguing about, become more proactive. I’ll use myself as an example, as I usually do. I had a problem with the way that my wife did something. So every time she did it that way, it started unnecessary arguments that usually led down some dark emotional street to a cul-de-sac of resentment and ignored feelings. I’ll let the marriage counselor deal with 75% of that bullshit, but the other 25% is on me. See, I can just tell her how to do it. So that’s what I did.
Instead of complaining about the way she did it, I told her the way that I think it should be done. And she did it that way. That was the end of that argument. While technically, I never won a particular disagreement, I eliminated the conflict. I win.
And the winner gets the vagina. That’s basically what it’s all about, no?
Most conflicts aren’t that cut and dry, and I realize that. But, I also realize that in many instances men create the conflict themselves just by being careless and lazy and not paying attention to their surroundings. A common problem that I hear a lot of cats having to tolerate is arguments about what they do with their phone when they are with their person. Whether they’re constantly on the internet, texting non-stop, or chatting away like a giddy schoolgirl who just met her Aunt flow, their woman always has some sort of gripe about what he’s doing with his phone. You’ll never convince her that whatever it is you’re doing is ok. So put the phone away. Not all the time, because that would be laying down and becoming a proverbial doormat. Might as well start tap-dancing and calling her “ma’am” if that’s the case. You start obeying commands like that then I hope you have a job, bro. Otherwise you’ve officially become one of her children. Dick on demand and a tax write off. Avoid that misery, champ.
A little bit of extra attention now clears out a lot of relaxation for you later. There is such a thing as relationship credits. Many men are not aware. I’m telling you now. Thank me later? Of course you will.
Hopefully, the take-away here is if you want to win an argument with a woman, be proactive, eliminate the conflict. As men, we always want to be known as the leader or the one that’s taking charge. So trust me when I say taking charge is much easier and actually a bit more satisfying than defending a position or standing by some point.
Plus, generally, I’ve found that a woman wants a man to take charge anyway. So fuck it, give them what they want.
And as a bonus, you’ll get to hold on to a little bit more of your peace of mind. And peace of mind is as important as the Vagina.