Who’s Your Favorite Rapper? (And What That Says About You)

anigif_enhanced-26857-1414178397-14Drake makes music for guys who miss their ex-girlfriends so much that they go to strip clubs to drown their sorrow and accidentally fall in love.

Drake makes music for dudes who break up with their baby mommas and still pay the rent even though they’re already paying child support.

Drake makes music for dudes who go on Facebook just a “poke” girls that they’ve had sex with.

Drake makes music for guys who have no problem falling asleep listening to the music that he makes for them.

I won’t say that Drake is a soft, because it’s been said upwards of 2 million times at this point. Plus it’s probably not all that true. But, yo. Be leary of men who make cute animals like owls and squirrels their mascots. I’m not sure if any rappers have made a squirrel their mascot yet, but you can bet your burgundy, cotton-blended, shmedium OVO v-neck sweater that it will happen one day and when it does we’ll have Drake to thank blame for that.

If Drake is your favorite rapper I’m willing to bet that you were the first kid in line when it was time to buy Candy-Grams on Valentine’s Day in junior high school. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, because that dude got all the young honeys. I’ll also assume that you love your dogs, cars, and women equally which is a rarity in urban America. Now that I think about it, Drake doesn’t use the word bitch very often in his music. Somehow, I don’t think that’s a coincidence.


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