Surviving The DMV (A Department of Motor Vehicles Cheat Sheet)

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5 Dates To Take Her On That Won’t Murder Your Finances

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Words by PHLIP


For those of you connected to me on the social networks, you see that I am an entertaining mix of opinion, advice and activism (<– hey, alliteration!).  Sometimes the "opinion" side of that is caged in sometimes-snarky/sometimes-poignant commentary about dating…

Recently, I tossed out a gem that said:

Take her on a lunch date to Barnes & Noble…

TELL her where you’re taking her, curve her ass if she balks.

A good cafe for a decent lunch and coffee, plenty of seated space for amazing conversation and even if you wind up buying a book or two, you’ve still spent less than a night out for dinner and drinks.

The pretty bow on top of this is that any woman willing to chill with you in a giant f*cking book store is at least smart enough to be a reader and forward thinking enough to see your creativity.

As with a good many of these random recommendations, a conversation was born and I found that a great MANY women of considerable quality (read: non-thot-types) would be OPEN to creative dates like that. Some even further welcoming the frugality of such an undertaking. I was told that I need to be teaching some kind of class on things like this, apparently since my approach to the use of my money leads to creativity that amounts to some kind of a special ability.

So here we are, 5 dates you can go on without breaking the bank in no particular order…

1 – The book store
Look, I could go BACK into excruciating detail, but you should have already read about this by the time you get here in this post.

2 – The museum
If you listen to NPR (no, I am not telling you to if you don’t), you will find that certain times EVERY year there are times that every museum in this country will allow free entry.  Some are already free as it were.  Further, if you bank with Bank of America you should look at your account online and learn what museums offer free entry as a perk of being a BoA customer.

3 – COOK, dummy!
Listen…  I know some of you just can’t cook without the fire marshal getting involved.  Coming soon, I will grace these very pages with instructions on how to whip up good food very easily and we will keep the expenditures for each meal under $25 (drinks extra).

The point, here is that women LOVE a dude who can get down in the kitchen, same as men do a woman who can.  Further, this is the PERFECT chance to prove you were paying attention when they told you what they likes.  Lastly, the willingness to get your hands this dirty is the kind of effort that any human want to be shown in an interested suitor/suitress.

(Note: do this WITH them present.)

4 – Volunteer
Common interests…  Get out and rally.  Help habitat build a house.  Feed some homeless people.  Collect clothes for kids in need.

Again, do something that shows your capacity to be a human being and be with someone who shares common interests.

5 – Go play outside
Yes, I am being VERY serious right now. Sometimes we find the best of ourselves in a reversion to a time when life was simpler.  Take the dog to a park and play catch/fetch.  Go fishing.  GO bicycle riding.  Walk around that park and throw a frisbee.  This one is totally freestyled, and the sky is the limit.  This one is especially good for people with small children they ostensibly can’t just get rid of.  Bring ’em along, give them the opportunity to get involved or go over there and do their own thing.

Naturally, this list is not the be-all-end-all, the beauty of this is that now you’re actively considering what you CAN do without killing the bank account.  Considering a “night on the town” will cost you appetizer, entree, drinks and/or dessert, the mid-day lunch you will have to buy for 4 of the 5 above will make up most of the expense of your outing, and you just don’t get it if that EVER costs you more than a twenty.

More importantly, now you’re being creative about doing new things, or at least revisiting things you’ve forgotten that you enjoy(ed) doing.  Hell, these are even “homebody friendly” solutions, as EVERY SINGLE ONE has you home and in your pajama pants at a reasonable time.

… and if you’re giving time to someone who can’t appreciate that then you should revisit who you’re giving your time to and why.


Words by PHLIP
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Questions, comments, complaints?
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Life Lessons For My Young Boys…

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Words by PHLIP

Aside from snarky social commentary, a service I provide includes talking to kids who will listen about how to get through this life more easily than I had it…

4 evenings a week and some weekends, my brother and I work with our church non-profit that tutors 7th-11th graders in English and math. As the person tasked with transporting a third of them home in the church van, I get a chance to talk to them about real life stuff. Since my nephews are in the program and in my van, their respect (or fear…  whatever) of my brother and I sets the precedent for the other boys to listen too.

With chance to observe the kids all together, I often had JUST the boys in the van with me a few times between the spring and now.  Last week, they cornered me and asked me to re-share some of the stuff I shared with them over the course of those rides when they were having a hard time speaking them back to newer entrants into the program.

Hence, these lessons for my young boys…

Dirty Macking: it will seem the sample sizing of available girls to you are limited, when really they aren’t.  As you do not have transportation to get out and get after them (yet, that is), know that you and other cats — sometimes your own friends — will be in competition for some of these same girls.  Know that if you cannot talk TO her without talking ABOUT another dude, you’ve not yet learned to talk to her.

Know the cost AND value of things: My nephews get the illest of hand-me-downs from my brother, brother-in-law and I.  It is often known what was paid for these items since they are with us all the time, but the value of them comes in the fact that we make sure they have done their part to earn the shoes, or the watch or the video games.  Kep them grades up, get out there and cut the grass when I tell you to, take the trash out without me having to tell you.  Having to get your hands dirty in order to earn your fly shit makes it worth having.

The “code”:  Except in cases where she was nothing but a jumpoff, and even then only when he says to, your homies’ old chicks are off limits.

Wait, dead-ass, I told the girls this one too because someone apparently neglected to tell them this too.

At this point, only a couple of these kids are having sex (they apparently think that age 36 is when adults cannot hear what they’re talking about), so I have backed off short of telling them that once they DO start then that part of the code becomes absolute and fights have and will happen in cases of violation.  I avoid having conversations about sex with kids I am not blood-related to.

The value of real friends.  This is another one that I have given to both the boys and girls. Your friends are NOT the people you lean on to simply be nice to you in exchange for doing their goon work.  If you’re in position where you’re the one doing dumb shit for your “friend” in exchange for them not picking on you in front of the rest of your mutual acquaintances, then you don’t have a friend in that individual and are better off without them.  Step your comeback game up and let them be.

Your friends are, by definition and in action, the people you have in your corner due to a common interest and stay there due to common loyalty, none of that reciprocal benefit bullshit need apply.  Sometimes you will disagree, but that is what makes you HUMAN and does not disqualify a friendship.  None of that other shit matters.

In talking to these kids, it hits me that parents/aunts/uncles are NOT having them with their kids.  Leaving their kids to the streets when I was their age meant that SOMEONE’S dad or uncle was around to teach us this shit, or at least we (“we” as a group, my brother and I had my granddad and a couple of uncles) would pick the jewels up from the ones among us who did.

As bothered as I want to be that they’ve been allowed to make it to 12-15 years old without having heard these conversations, I am pleased that I am here at 36 to be the one to pass them along, even if I can only be sure that two people are actually listening.

Words by PHLIP
Follow PHLIP on Twitter.
Questions, comments, complaints?
TGDCmailbox@gmail.com