‘Eight Things Charlie Sheen Needs Right Now’

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‘The Day A Billion Fish Drowned In California’

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‘Crack Mu$i¢’

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Digital Hip Hop godfather website OnSmash (among many other similar sites) was seized by the government last week, in what’s turning out to be quite the tumultuous crackdown on illegal music. (As if there’s such a thing as illegal music.)

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re familiar with the situation, & don’t need a lengthy explanation. If you’re not familiar, & you chose not to jump the previous link, here’s your chance to redeem yourself.

Briefly, the feds decided to shut down a fist full of hip hop file-sharing (fancysmancy term for “piracy”) sites for off-loading their illegal wares, respectively. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor will it be the last time. However, this is the first time I’ve been so close to “ground zero” that I could see how it’s affected the Hip Hop community. Or more specifically, the bloggersphere.

The blogger has become the new DJ, as I’ve mentioned here before. Several times, in fact. Now, with this being a proven fact in 2010, it seems the majors would be more willing to play ball with The Internets, if only because people aren’t so quick to toss hard-hustled recession dollars at disposable bullshit. [Sidenote: People are generally lazy & cheap as a primal reflex, & that’s such a given that I’m surprised certain laws still exist in the 21st century. Just saying.] In a day where the dollar is as limited as people’s attention spans, any thing worth selling, is worth taking. Possibly even more so, depending on the type of thief involved. Point is, the buyers & sellers coexist with the takers. To combat such a maximum force would probably just end in a bunch of shenannigans that neither party really wanted to deal with in the first place. Clearly the type of “bit off more than I’m willing to chew for this long” scenario that usually happens when people allow their emotions to guide their proverbial hand(s).

Boycotting The Machine wouldn’t help much in the long term, because like many rap fanatics will concur, Hip Hop music is addictive. Niggas (& I use the term extremely loosely–as I always do) even call it “crack,” even though there’s an 80% chance that one of their close relatives is dead or in prison behind crack. Which kind of further validates the point that, no matter the adversity, Hip Hop music is oddly resilient. Unstoppable, even.

I saw on Twitter where somebody tweeted “shutdown 1 [site], 50[more] pop-up,” in reference to the OnSmash situation. & as basic as that statement is, it’s tantamount to a battle cry. The cry, alone, may be meek & hard to make out, especially with such a recent uproar, but it’s still a call to arms. & all it takes is for 1 other soldier to answer.

If the major labels, & all their trolling henchmen, refuse to allow a communication bridge to be built between their glorious tower attics & our humble basement dwellings, then the new breed DJ’s may need to find “work” elsewhere. See, the sole reason there’s an “underground” to begin with, is the divide of success & failure, so to speak. Who determines that? The audience. Why? Because of what they’re exposed to. If that changes, then that changes, if you smell my cologne. Ask Master P how easy it is to change a million minds.

The Machine is in charge of it’s property, & I totally respect that. So, like my father taught me many moons ago, “if they don’t want you to play with their shit, fuck ’em. Go get your own.” Indeed. Sound advice I should probably apply in a bunch of different places as well.

Shock! & “Awww…”

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Last night, I had quite the experience. Seems I’m up to a one-per-week minimum this year. The upside to that is a constant influx of stories for me to tell the reading public, & hopefully one day, the world. The downside, as I learned last night, can be much more life changing. Well, my life isn’t changed per se, just saying. That “5 Minute Factor” is very real.

After my situation was fully resolved, I kicked back & got on the Tweet box, to do what I’ve seen people do time & time again; tell no one in particular about their adventure(s). But, it was mad late, & not even Curtis75Black saw it in his time line until I told him to look. So, this morning, I figured “Hey, why stop there?” I might as well post it, especilly since everybody isn’t on Twitter (for whatever reasons), & some of you seem to have taken a general concern with my well being, sort of. Anyway, here’s what happened to me last night, for anybody who might’ve missed this episode.

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:23a

It’s a few of y’all out there who I know 4 a fact pray for me & my fam daily. Thanks. They REALLY came in handy tonight/last night…

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915098068

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:27a

On top of beating life threatening alcoholism, I can now say I survived being mildly electrocuted.(The fusebox is not your friend…)

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915273650

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:30a

Dude, if you’ve never felt the hot kick & surge of live electricity vibrate through your body, don’t worry. You ain’t missing shit.

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915406945

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:31a

You know how in movies, dudes start gettin “shocked” but stand there, cooking, until somebody moves them with a broomstick or some shit?

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915457391

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:32a

…Fuck all that movie shit. I felt it move me. Like, the energy was way stronger than me. That said, as soon as it began, it ended…

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915502439

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:34a

…I yanked my hand back so fast! From the tip of my middle finger 2 my shoulderblade just buzzed. & my fingertips were numb, but tingling.

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915606662

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:35a

I didn’t mention it was raining at the time. Literally. The things men do, am I right?

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915648313

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:37a

See, The Kid was havin a hard time goin 2 sleep & I went 2 plug in his stereo, so he could listen 2 stories on CD n relax. Plugged it in…

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915767206

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:39a

I couldnt even get the prong in all the way, & sparks came out major. Prolly wasn’t that bad, but I think the spaks singed my nose & mustache.

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915840516

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:40a

The fuse, which was due for a replacement, finally died. So be it. After a hunt, it’s fixed, my hand still tingles, but I’m alive. Hahaha.

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915929688

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:42a

For clarification, that wasn’t random babble. I almost commited suicide on purpose by accident. Yikes. Again, thnx 4 those blessings! (Lol)

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27915981730

*From: @THe_ToNY_GRaNDS
Sent: Oct 20, 2010 2:45a

I think if people just stopped, looked around them & realized they don’t know what the hell they’re doin, the world would be a boring place.

sent via ÜberTwitter

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/THe_ToNY_GRaNDS/status/27916162843

Too bad I couldn’t tweet while it was happening. That would have to be a first of some kind.

The Chop Shop (Yung Berg Edition)

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London rap cat Rowdy-T should be ashamed of himself for being yet another in a Eddie long line of men, who’ve had their way with rapper Yung Berg. Chain snatching is so 2007, anyway. We should have evolved by now, to breaking & entering, at least, but what do I know. I stopped “rapping” for a reason.

I’m going to throw caution in the wind, like Lil Wayne does with raw vajayjay, & bet money that as a kid, Yung Berg watched plenty of Charlie Brown cartoons. & apparently, he studied how many ways one can lose, publicly, before one decides that the only winning shot is going to be from a gun pointed to one’s temple. I’d say that he read the comic strip in addition, but I don’t just toss my benefit’s of the doubt around, all willy nilly, to total strangers, much less rappers. Plus, I have 3 kids; any free passes I have are surely being stockpiled for their future endeavors, God bless their hearts. As far as Yung Berg (who?) goes, here’s some advice; If your entire career is based on the highlights of even lesser rappers careers, it’s time to transition from music, to comedy. Might as well if, as a “rapper,” the “fans” do more laughing at you than dancing for you. Such is the case here. I can’t help but shake the feeling that when Chris Brown got arrested for domesticating Rihanna’s mouth & eye area, Yung Berg felt a salty kind of way, like he planned to use a similar scheme to re-launch his rap career. As if one was ever there for a re-launch to exist, so to speak. Just saying.

There are literally too many instances of Yung Berg being at the wrong place at the right time. My favorite episode of his life, however, is the one with the cop & the scooter. It’s always great for some laughs with family during the holidays. & not to be spending an unnecessary amount of time pondering another man’s life on a Friday, but maybe Yung Berg should really consider doing something else with his life. I mean that in a sincerely honest way. He could:

-Develop a show, like an ass backwards, ignorance-filled ‘Entourage,’ where the main character (based on Yung Berg, of course) sucks at being a famous rapper. That storyline alone is rife with fuckery, stupidity, & other foolishness. Columbus Short would be perfect for the role (as long as you don’t play Bball with him at the audition).

-I’ve yet to understand why no one ever speaks motivationally from the loser’s standpoint. & by Hip Hop standards, anywhere Berg is standing is, literally, the loser’s standpoint. Really though (as I’ve said numerous times), a loser can teach you how to win at anything. They’re a live action example of what happens when all you do is turn left in life. #FTW, by way of #TKO, if you will. That’s that Rocky Balboa shit, & you see how many movies that guy had.

-Contrary to popular belief, suicide is always an option, but far be it from me to want to be the 1,000,000th customer to suggest that to him.

Those are just a few examples, but I’m sure there are millions of things Berg can do to earn more respect than he gets now (like knock-up any D-list Black actress, or buy guns & make mad Worldstar). Which isn’t very much at all, word to Maino. I hear Brian Pumper’s in need of a sparring partner, if that helps any.