Surviving The DMV (A Department of Motor Vehicles Cheat Sheet)

Continue reading

Advertisements

TGDC-TV: How To Survive On Public Transportation: A Guide For The Privileged Adult

image

I’m always amazed by the amount of people who say things like, “I’ve never caught the bus,” or, “You won’t catch me on the train!” Where I’m from, the place where I grew up, what I call home, “my hood,” it was a rite of passage to catch the bus.

The bus was your introduction to unmitigated freedom. It meant that your parents trusted you at least enough to not get yourself killed or arrested before you made it to or from your destination. It wasn’t so much that families in our neighborhoods could not afford vehicles, it was more along the lines of me being from a generation where both of our parents, who lived at home, had full time employment. This was before the grandparents started raising the babies. The term that used for us was “latchkey kids.” That meant that we were home alone after school because our parents were out getting that cheddar. An entire generation of kids with house keys.

image

So since our parents weren’t able to chauffeur us around the city and their broken down jalopies and struggling middle class chariots, we did what the hell we had to do. Some of you were lucky, nay, blessed enough not to have to endure riding the bus or traversing the subway. But then you grew up. Shit changed. You’ve lost your job and can’t afford a car. Or that DUI that you thought would be no big deal is, in fact, a very big deal. Unlike childhood — where there was a helping hand at every crossroad — you now find yourself alone, on the bus; clueless, anxious, unprepared, and looking for answers. ‘Tis an unpleasant tumble when the privileged fall.

Some of this is new to some of you. Lessen your stesses and lighten your worries because tonygrands.com is stepping in for the assist with some dos and don’ts for surviving public transportation.

Thank us later…

— Tony Grands

The Checklist: 12 Things Every Man Should Have At All Times

image

Manhood can be tough. Especially for men who don’t/didn’t have anyone to show them how to do it. It’s actually quite simple. You’re here to move heavy objects, fight off animals, insects, and savages, make babies, pay bills, and evetually, feed the worms via your decomposing corpse after your company has worked you to death.

Boys, enjoy being boys, because as men, the world is trying to kill you.

In the meantime, per usual, TGDC is here to help make manhood a little bit easier on you, with this checklist of things every man should have on him at all times. You may want to print this for future reference, and even pass them out amongst your crew of deviant scoundrels.

Good luck out there.

Condoms
Because — let’s be honest — the last thing society needs is another unwanted kid.

A Weapon
Because shit gets real, real quick. I’m not advocating violence, but I’m definitely a proponent of self defense. Plus, zombies.

Drug of Choice In His System
Because reality bites. Hard. Might as well bite back, in a responsible manner, of course. No drinking and driving, no smoking crack before a parent-teacher conference, etc.

A Willing Ex-Girlfriend
Because your mom won’t always be available to wipe your ass for you.

Spare Change
Because you never know when you’ll need to make a call from a pay phone or buy 2 cigarettes.

An Escape Route
Because shit happens, and you don’t want to be the guy who dies in a mall fire.

A Testimony
Because a man without a story to tell is a boy…

An Excuse
Because every failure needs a reason, otherwise how can people judge you?

Change For The Bus
Because if you get kicked out of the car, walking may ruin your shoes, and if your phone battery is dead, how the hell are you going to call an Uber?

An Ink Pen
Because after pulling out your phone, unlocking it, finding the correct app, and typing, you probably forgot what you could’ve just as easily written in your hand.

Phone Charger
Because battery life isn’t promised.

Can/Bottle Opener
Because you never know when you’ll need to guzzle a brew or open a can of beans.

— Tony Grands

Innocence, Paranoia, & Urban Survival: Fatherhood In 2012

5

Words by Tony Grands

Children are blessed with the gift of innocence. This innocence gives them the “ability” to not be effected by the grown-up problems & mature dilemmas that the adults around them have to tolerate daily.

Continue reading